Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Many Thanks, Apologies, Belated Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year!!!

Firstly MANY THANKS for all the very kind comments that I have been given over the past weeks . I cannot thank you enough for your kind and helpful words that have touched my heart!!!!

Secondly MANY APOLOGIES to you all for not getting back to you and responding to these most caring and wonderful comments. Also apologies for not blogging of late.. life has been very difficult recently and any spare time I have managed to find I have been frantically trying to get everything ready for Christmas or just plain exhausted!!

I did manage to get ready for Christmas but had to burn the candle at both ends of the day to do so and even ended up staying up all night Christmas eve..... I was so behind with wrapping presents for the family and even putting up Christmas cards and I so wanted to make Christmas... Christmas that it was the only thing I could do.. paid the price though because I was dead on my feet by Christmas night!! But it was nice to see the finished result by Christmas morning and of course watch the family's faces as they opened up their presents it made the lack of sleep worthwhile ......

A few Christmas pictures of the tree etc....

Due to hard times financially we all had to make cut backs this Christmas and my daughter and her partner were feeling the pinch quite harshly this year. My daughters partner has quite a few gorgeous ornaments in his home and I fell in love with one ornament in particular and so in view of this and lack of money my daughter and her partner decided to give me for a Christmas gift the ornament I so adored... and this it is.... a gift that means so much to me and will be treasured forever!!!

I adore owls and I so love this special gift..... Everyone gave very thoughtfully this year and I was given essential oils, organic skincare products, useful clothing for indoor and outdoor wear, some really super wellingtons that are just up my street as I love the Guns and Roses band/music
We also gave useful presents this year... clothes and items that were generally needed with the odd surprise thrown in. I also brought a lot of my gifts of Etsy this year... so many beautiful handmade items that have been greatly appreciated and have most certainly given a great deal of pleasure. I will blog about this and list the many wonderfully gorgeous creative people that I have discovered since blogging. Blogging I have to say has opened a whole new world for me and its a real privilege getting to know so many lovely people. I am overwhelmed by the warmth and support shown to me of late and I have a feeling I am going to be needing a great deal more support during the coming year, which I am sad to say I am actually not really looking forward too... to be honest I am scared of what this year will reveal as it progresses. I have began to have a feeling of dread each morning when I wake now and I almost have to force myself out of bed to face the day.

As many of you may know my darling Mum is sadly becoming more confused and muddled as the days go by. This is what has taken up a lot of my time of late and will continue to do so as time goes by. I do not begrudge my Mum a minute of my time.... but I do find it very hard to bear. My gorgeous rock is slowly diminishing and its Mum who looks to me to get her through the days. Some days she is so vulnerable like a little child and it so sad because I am slowly losing my strong, confident Mum... My Mum who has up until recently been my continued rock, she has shared so much with me. I am an only child and my relationship with my Mum has been so fantastic.. I am very lucky I know but it makes it so much harder as I slowly see her slip away into the fog. Mum has undergone many tests and physically all appears to be well, but mentally something is so very wrong. Mum suffered a stroke as I mentioned in an earlier post shortly after my Dad passed away and things have slowly since then deteriorated. It mainly began to affect Mums way of expressing herself verbally, she could not always get out what she wanted to say and at the moment its very hard indeed for her to get out anything she wants to say which is certainly not helping matters. A conversation with Mum now is almost a guessing game. I have to be her voice wherever we go. Next week I will be seeking further medical help because I need to know what is creating this confusion and muddle. I fear a dementia of some degree, but I need to know what it is what so we can plan and prepare. We are also in the process of filling in an housing application form. We live in a Park Home and have done so for the last 29 happy years. We love where we live, its a great community and we live in the middle of some lovely countryside which I also adore. We are a small Park Home estate and have some wonderful neighbours and friends here. My Mum and Dad sold their house so they could purchase a park home here for their retirement and so have many more of the residents. We sadly do not have the funds to purchase a house and so a council property would be our only option. I am afraid living in our park home has spoilt us and also the surrounding countryside so to move would be harrowing for us all but its becoming that I need to be with Mum 24 hours a day and in our present situation this is not possible. As it stands so far 2009 for us is looking very bleak.

Our gorgeous bundles of fur have helped take our minds of some of our recent problems and here's one or two pictures......

The weather has been very seaonal of late and in my opinion very beautiful and I have of course had to have my trusty camera out to record as much of it as I can... I find walking Basil and the two cats, very theraputic and even more so if I have an opportunity to use the camera... it helps to clear the mind and think things through... I need to have that solitude to survive at the moment.

Here one or two pictures.....

And so to finish... please forgive me my moans and groans... regardless of my own personal thoughts of 2009, I do wish each and everyone of you a VERY HAPPY 2009 and that all your hopes and dreams come true....

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.

Oprah Winfrey


Greentwinsmummy said...

Jane sweetpea x x enormous hugs for you,you are dealing with so much right now x x the year ahead wont be bleak,it might be hard but let your heart & love shine thru a little light,hard yes,bleak no x x I will keep your mum in my thoughts,be strong Jane,you will cope with what ever the year throws at you & come out the otherside wiser & stronger than ever dear lady
Deepest love & Happy New Year x
x x x x x

liZZie said...

I'm sure many of your blogging friends will post messages of caring support for you. There'll be a cyber created webbed network like a massive, cushioning cobweb all around you as you go through the times ahead you dread so much. Like a game of join the dots we did as kids, to reveal a mystery form, there will be many many hugs waiting for you just when you need them. x

Leanne said...

welcome back jane, I have been worried.
sending you hugs, and the best advice I can offer, take each day as it comes, look for the joy in each day, no matter how hard each one seems, there will be something in there each day to smile at, to hang on to. trust in yourself, in your strength, and on those days when you feel down, turn to friends for support, both in the real world, and here in blogland too

blessings to you

Leanne x

Compostwoman said...

A huge hug ((((Jane))))

I have been through the same with both my Mum and with Compostman's Mum, and it is so hard to see the person you love slipping into confusion and muddle :-(

But as GTM and Lizzie say, we are ALL here, invisible in the blogosphere maybe, but very much there with and for you when you need us ( I LOVE the concept of a cushioning cobweb in cyberspace Lizzie!)

You have my number, call me if you want a chat....

And never apologise for not blogging...its is YOUR blog and you gift us with a post as and when YOU feel able!

But thank you for this one, it was lovely to see your tree and the owls! such a thoughtful gift!

I hope you have a good 2009, I know you are concerned it won't be good, but there WILL be good moments, I am sure.

Thinking of you and your Mum with love.

S x

Sharon J said...

I'm new to your blog but just wanted to say that whatever your problems are I hope you'll come through them with strength in 2009. Also, I love the owls :)

Tea with Willow said...

Hi Jane, I was worried that something was wrong, but didn't want to pry. It sounds as though you've been going through a tough time - it's so hard to put aside some time for yourself when you're caring for a loved one, but just make sure you don't get too exhausted with it all. As others have said, take it one day at a time, that's all you can do.

It's been lovely to see some photos of your lovely furries - in difficult times, I have always found my animal companions to be the greatest healers of the soul.

Take care, Jane and remember we're all here for a cyber-hug whenever you need one.

Love & light,
Willow xxx

Slice of life said...

I am sorry to hear about your Mum. It is impossible to go forward into the new year without reflecting on the past.

My thoughts are with you. I hope you start to feel better soon. Blogging is therapy to me sometimes.

Wishing you and your family a Happy new year.

p.s. Basil looks better

Sal said...

Hi there! I have only just found your blog.I do so feel for you.
My mum was rushed into hospital over Christmas and my dad was very confused about it all.
I do hope that you'll get through this ok with the support of all your loved ones and of course your dear blogging friends. Big hugs xxx

Thursday said...

You're NOT moaning. You have a lot to deal with.

ICQB said...

I agree with Slice of Life, blogging can be a form of therapy, so just you continue to let us know how you're doing and what's going on because we care.

The pictures you've shared are wonderful! Give hugs all around to all of your furry friends for us for being such good companions to you through difficult times.

I hope as each day unfolds that, whatever it may hold, there is something there to entrance, to enjoy, to love.

Thinking of you,
ICQB (Linda)