Mum has been away since June and it seems like an eternity.
Its very hard when my gentle sweet Mum is physically aggressive with me and tries to pinch or strike me. I have to be honest I am finding it very hard to bear... I have to go away and shed some silent tears...........
Mum has actually improved a little and as quoted by Mums Community Psychiatric Nurse John 'shes a tough cookie'!!
John popped into see me the other day to have a cup of tea and a chat.... just to see how I was doing and to discuss Mum...
John has stressed to me that although Mum has rallied a little she is not going to get better and she is coming home to die and I was to be under no illusions regarding that which of course I am not.
John is going to get in touch with our local GP and put her up to date with Mums care and required medical needs at home and arrange the possibility of drips should Mum eventually stop eating all together.
Mum is now eating a little better but that is not consistent and some days are better than others. Mum has to have all liquids thickened and all her food pureed.
Thursday morning the hospital bed and pressure mattress will be delivered and set up for Mum and once that is in-situ Mum will be discharged and I pray that coming home will give her some peace and contentment. I just want to make her as happy as possible.
I have to admit to having very mixed feelings, yes I am so happy Mum is coming back to me finally!!! and yet I am also somewhat scared because her recent aggressive behaviour towards me is troubling me greatly and if I am not able to 'communicate' with her then looking after her is going to be a nightmare.. I need to feed her and for that I need her co-operation and I need to administer her various medicines and I am so worried that if she refuses to eat or take her medicines because I have become this person that she dislikes so much then I will have to seek medical help as she is already so terribly frail and refusal of food and medicines will very quickly make her seriously ill........
It makes me so sad that Mum at present feels such anger and almost hatred towards me. I know its the dementia, such a hateful condition. I am told that I have to try to let this go as the Mum I know and love with all my heart has already left me ... but that is easier said than done.
Tomorrow is now going to be a manic day... thought I was all ready for Mums homecoming, but suddenly realise I need to get to the shops to buy foods suitable for Mum., toiletries and a couple of special drinking beakers... and the list of things to do is endless, I so want it all to be perfect!!
Perfect for my perfect Mum..............
heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles
thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavour by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.
- Washington Irving