Friday, 20 November 2009

An Empty Room.........

I have been overwhelmed by the kindness of my family, friends and neighbours and I am truly thankful for ALL of the lovely comments left on my blog and I thank you ALL from the bottom of my heart... my family and I are very grateful xxxxxxx

Mums funeral will be held next Wednesday at 3.15 pm and I am busying myself with the preparations..... its has taken this long to finally lay Mum to rest as we have struggled to find the funds for her funeral. We have our own financial problems and do not have spare funds ourselves to pay for the funeral and Mum passed away leaving nothing for her funeral and also debts....... I was aware of the debts before she passed away and was trying to pay off what I could on her behalf and also dealing with the heartless debt collectors who sent out vile letters or made vile phone calls.. I am ashamed to say I screamed at one debt collector who called shortly after Mum had died...... it was all too much.. yes I know they have a job to do and they have to earn a living but for gods sake some are just vile.......

Mum lived in a park home (as we do) we were four doors apart from each other. We have managed to sell Mums park home back to the park owner who will get rid of Mums home to a farmer who will use if for an office or some such thing and a new park home will be sited in its place, the site is in a prime spot as its secluded and over looks two fields and a decent profit will be made by the site owner... however this sale has enabled me to pay off some of Mums debt and pay for Mums funeral.

I will be so glad when this year is over, I am so tired out. Christmas in my mind is completely off the agenda this year I have neither the heart or the energy..... and my family are happy for me to let Christmas pass by.......Ideally I really would like to hibernate over the Christmas period and wake up when the New Year has arrived.......

My son is slowly moving back into his old room (the room that was for a short period of time Mums room) we are letting him do this at his own pace as he was very upset about his Nans passing. We only have two bedrooms and while Mum was with us our son would sleep at his Nans home... the day she passed away he just could not bring himself to go into his Nans place and sleep... so he his sleeping in our bed and OH and I are sleeping on the two sofas in the living room... its really very comfortable and we are managing just fine... will not be for much longer as what was once Mums room is again becoming warm and inviting (the cold feeling it had for a short while has gone) and as our sons 'stuff' is slowly put back, de-cluttered as he goes and re-arranged its becoming his room once again...... so our camping days are nearly over...

The room was so empty after Mum had gone... the undertakers who collected Mum during the evening were the biggest burliest and kindest men I could ever wish to met....... at the time the road outside our home was been resurfaced and it had been a week of hellish noise, drilling and heavy rollers and things, the poor undertakers had to remove, cones, kerbstones and god knows what to get to our home but without complaint they did this and were so respectful in everything they did.... and after they had taken Mum as they drove out the put every cone and obstacle back in place... the most moving scene greeted me when they had gone and I went back into that empty room and this is what I found.........

I could not believe my eyes..... these two men had reached up and found Mums teddy and placed it on Mums pillow...... as you can imagine I just broke down and sobbed... but that small gesture meant so much and I will remember it always................

A week after Mum had passed away the hospital bed and other equipment was removed and the room was emptied of its adorments which were based on making it a lovely room for Mum... the room looked so empty it was awful.....

But soon it will be used again and life must go on........

I have lit a candle for Mum on my blog..... and it will stay until after her funeral.... I also found this poem and thought I would share it .......

Light A Candle

light a candle,
see it glow,
watch it dance,
when you feel low,
think of me,
think of light,
I'll always be here,
day or night,
a candle flickers,
out of sight,
but in your heart,
I still burn bright,
think not of sadness,
that I'm not near,
think of gladness,
and joyous cheer,
I have not left,
I am not gone,
I'm here to stay
my little one,
so when you light a candle
and you see it glow
and you watch it dance
in your heart you'll know
that I would never leave you
even when you feel so blue
I'm sitting up here with the Lord
and now watching over you

Light a candle by J (at, Familyfriendspoems)


Shirley Landis VanScoyk said...

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

� Mary Oliver.

I hope you find some peace. Kindest Regards, Rodeo

Anonymous said...

May the tenderness and gentleness, dignity and beauty that you were able to introduce to these most difficult of times, sustain you and give you extra strength. X

Tea with Willow said...

Jane, I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your dear Mum. My heart goes out to you. Take each day as it comes, good and bad, and try to be kind to yourself .... I have found my animals to be the greatest of healers, so take their love, and the love of your family and wrap yourself up in it.


Willow xxx

Tea with Willow said...

Thinking of you today Jane ... x

Willow x

Tea with Willow said...

Have sent you a little email.

Willow x

Slice of life said...

oh Jane... I am sorry I did not see this earlier.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time.


ICQB said...

The teddy bear was such a heartfelt touch. What a couple of nice guys. Kind of like burly angels, huh?

I hope you find a way to 'hibernate' through the Christmas season. It sounds very healing and peaceful. And after that, a brand new year full of life ahead.

Anonymous said...

Hello again Jane. I have tagged you in my latest post if you want to call and collect, but, it is totally fine not to, or perhaps at some future time. Love from liZZie XXX

Riddhi said...

I love your blog and I really loved the poem!