The Winds of Change

New Beginings..........

2010-02-25T01:05:00.005Z

(Began writing this in early January 2010 and have added to it until I was finally happy to publish the post)

Well thankfully 2009 is now well and truly over and 2010 has begun in earnest......... Wishing you all a Very Happy New Year!!

Christmas this year was very difficult for us as the loss of Mum was quite evident as Christmas day dawned. I had been feeling stronger about her loss as the days passed by but something just hit me as I walked the dogs on Christmas morning and as much I tried to fight the tears back it was not to be and spent a good hour trekking across the fields sobbing my heart out...
I also managed to fall over and break my faithful trusty pop in my pocket camera.. so that just made matters worse!
Thankfully my OH rallied around and helped me with the Christmas meal and jollied me along.... plied with me an intoxicating spirit or two which helped dull the pain!!!
I have never been so unenthusiastic about a meal and yet it turned out really well!
Later on in the evening we were expecting old friends and neighbours around for tea and so I could go and have a sleep... needed to sleep off the crying and inebriation effects!! OH prepared a lovely buffet which was a huge success...and the evening was enjoyed by all... including me!

Boxing day was a much better day for us all and I was much happier and thankfully I have coped well since Christmas.. although things hit me emotionally when I least expect it and when it does its quite overwhelming but that is now down to time and the healing that it brings and I just have to allow nature to take its course........

I did have one highlight over Christmas on Boxing day and that was to talk over the telephone for the first time with GTM.... http://greentwinsmummyasimplelife.blogspot.com/. (GMT has since closed this blog and moved to another private blog with invited members only) It was so nice to talk with her as she is such a lovely, lovely lady! I also had a little chat with her darling smalls and it was delightful... the best Christmas present ever!!

I do hope the year ahead will be a lot happier... I do have some plans on the horizon but to be honest nothing is at all clear and I find myself rather overwhelmed with things I would like to do and achieve but all in a jumbled mess... so guess the first thing on my list of achievements this year is to catch up with loads of correspondence and get myself organised.
I find I am far too happy to sit at my computer and what should only be a little while here and there turns into an hour or two....
That is when I can actually see what I am doing on the computer screen!

Bootsie does like this spot and enjoys many a happy nap on my desk!! Often find I am struggling to type around either a tail or a tapping paw.....

Bold and Basil enjoying a nap together.....

Bootsie in feline dream land...

Two's company............

Basil is in (dare I say it without tempting fate!!) much better health these days and all thanks to our lovely vet who has now sadly left for pastures new and will be much missed as he was a wonderful vet.... will be hard to get used to someone else......
Basil was so ill with stomach/gut problems and still has to have regular medication for the stomach problems but with the medication and a specialised food he has gone from strength to strength and is in tip top health its so nice to see him full of endless energy.....

He of course still needs to have both hips replaced but due to the stomach problems now under control and his weight managed correctly coupled with the pain killers and joint supplement the hips problems are under control... when things in time take a turn for the worst then hip replacement will become a requirement.... If you saw him run and get about you would have no idea that their was a problem with his hips in fact its impossible to wear Basil out!!

This is the food that has made a MAJOR difference to Basils health. It is quite pricey but I am able to shop around on-line and find it much reduced than purchasing from the vets and as I buy it in a bulk size its nice to have it delivered to my door.

The weather and the big freeze is now the topic of the day and a wonderful opportunity to take some great photographs.......

My friend and neighbour who is also the owner of Syd. We were walking the dogs together that morning and were taking photographs of the most beautiful frosty day!

And then the snow came along....................

Even big girls have to play.... here is 'Snowdonna' and Snowtravolta'!!!

Well things have moved on since the 'snow' and we are slowly but surely heading towards Spring which is much looked forward to for many reasons.
At the moment I am not in the best of health and to cut a long story short I have had some blood tests done as I have been quite low recently and was also taken ill across the fields the other week..... the blood tests are thankfully okay but they have revealed that my immune system is low at the present time. My doctor thinks it is to with my poor sleeping routine of late which in itself is very harmful and I need to get more sleep..... but also the low immune system as allowed me to succumb to a really bad chest and sinus infection. It has completely floored me and I am on my second week of antibiotics.

Sadly I am having to deal with more sadness.... A couple of weeks ago I attended the funeral of my friends husband who has been very ill for the past nine years and suffered from many aliment's including Parkinson's disease and Alzheimer's and finally he lost his life to pneumonia. He was a very dear man with a wonderful sense of humour, positively wicked at times and he will be very much missed!!

This was a photograph I took of my friends husband Jim enjoying a great time during a pre Christmas tea party. Rest in Peace Jim you were very much loved!!

And then early this week I received the very sad news that my Mums Eldest sister, my favourite Auntie had just passed away. Auntie Jean was the grand age of 86 and had enjoyed a very happy and adventurous life and as my cousin (Auntie Jeans son) said to me she had, had a good innings!! But it was a huge blow to me as I adored my Auntie and as a child I had spent many happy hours in her company and I have many special memories of my gorgeous Auntie.....

I wasn't able to attend the funeral for various reasons and this upset me greatly so my cousin told me to get in touch with the undertakers once I had sorted out my floral tribute and I was to have my flowers put on my Aunties coffin alongside his flowers and that was such a sweet gesture that means so much to me.

RIP Auntie Jean, never forgotten and loved forever! xxx

Going through my Mums photographs the other day I found this photograph of Auntie Jean attending her garden. I was staying with her for a few days at the time...44 years ago!!

I also discovered another photograph that really quite upset me as all my family on that photograph have now sadly passed away

In this photograph from left to right:-

My Mum, my Dad, Uncle John (my Mums brother) Auntie Jean (my Mums sister) Uncle Frank (Mums brother) Uncle Reg (Auntie Jeans husband) Auntie Mary (Mums sister) Uncle Brian (Mums brother). The photograph was taken at my Uncle Dicks funeral yet another brother of Mums. Their is only one sister now left surviving and she was the youngest of the family.

Also I found a newspaper cutting of Railway Cottage the childhood home of my Dad and after my Dad left home along with other brothers and his only sister, due to marriage etc. Uncle Frank Dad's youngest brother who never married remained in the cottage until he passed away in 1995 and it was then put up for auction by my Dads late nephew who was the executor of my Uncles Will. It broke my Dads heart to see his childhood home put up for sale and we never knew what happened to the money it sold for or the contents of the house. All that was sent back to us were my childhood school photographs that my Uncle kept on his sideboard. It was heartbreaking as many of the contents were childhood memories for my Dad, old books, ornaments, family photographs.etc My Uncle was an avid gardener and had three greenhouse one of which contained some spectacular cactus plants and I dread to think what happened to them. Dad did not like conflict so let the whole unsavoury situation pass by but it left him very troubled and hurt by family members who he had been very fond of......

I visited the cottage many times as a child and adored it and many times helped to get water from the garden pump (on the right of the picture) until my Uncle finally decided he would be connected to the water mains...

The cottage was situated right by the side of the railway and things been so different in those days in so much as the train drivers got to know my Uncle by sight who was always out in his garden and they would wave, or toot at my Uncle as they passed by and even some of the passengers would give my Uncle a wave.. lovely happy days and the sun always seemed to be shinning!!

The inside of the cottage was decorated in newspaper and then white washed. As a child I slept in the upstairs bedrooms as my Mum and Dad stayed for a short while to look after my Granddad when my Granny was away ill. I remember the toilet was always outside right up until it was sold and it had the old Radio Times/newspapers cut up for toilet paper, it was one of those toilets that had to be emptied on a regular basis. There was the old laundry outside and the copper inside. It was a long huge garden and in the dell as it was called a dip in the far end of the garden was where my Uncle kept his hens and I was always allowed to go and collect the eggs. It was such an exciting place for a child to be and I have had many happy hours at Railway cottage. I have recently had a look at the cottage on a day when my OH and I happened to be in that area and although a lot of the original parts of the cottage remain as it was a listed property the new owners have built onto it and ripped the garden out and landscaped it to their own liking which is what you would expect but I do regret going back as I disliked how it had been messed around with, guess its right what they say, you should never go back...........

Feeling somewhat apprehensive at the moment as my husband is due to see his heart consultant today. OH has had a problem with his heart for sometime now and so far had four cardioversions, the first one lasted for five years the other three have lasted no longer than one day and so he has reached his cardioversion limit and his consultant is looking to perform a small operation on my husbands heart that could hopefully solve his problem?? All will hopefully be revealed this morning?

Tagged........ (from 2009)

2010-02-07T14:56:00.002Z

In late 2009 I was tagged by the lovely LiZZie at http://mygenericmedium.blogspot.com/

Because I had just been through the ordeal of my Mums funeral I was not up to much at the time and sort of put my blog on hold and told LiZZie that I would delay the tag for a while but promised I would post it when I was ready to move on with life... that time has now arrived and so I will now carry out that promise! Thank you LiZZie for this tag and award and I do VERY MUCH appreciate you thinking of me,. Its going to be fun to do and pass on.......

Firstly the award picture ( I think its the right one... long story http://mygenericmedium.blogspot.com/2009/12/tag-why-i-love-patty.html but having traced the tag back to http://smitoniusandsonata.blogspot.com/2009/11/7-things-you-didnt-know.html I have decided this is the award picture to use... (this is already great fun!! lol!!)

And now for the rules ~

1. Copy and paste the picture which you see above onto your own blog.

2. Thank the person who gave you the award and post a link to their blog.

3. Write 7 things about yourself we do not know. [See below]

4. Choose 7 other bloggers to award.

5. Link to those 7 other bloggers.

6. Notify your 7 bloggers.

1) I used to be a Campanologist

2) I am terrified of spiders...

3) I adore aromatherapy but sadly I am not qualified but just dabble

4) I love my garden/greenhouse and can loose myself completely whilst working in either.

5) I cannot drive

6) My first job was in a Jewellery Shop

7) I have just discovered photography over the last couple of years and I love, love, love it. I recently sent a photograph to my local newspaper and made picture of the week and I am over the moon!! I am so happy about it that I am going to share it with you all and this is the photograph!!!

The photograph was taken on a recent frosty morning whilst walking my dog Basil.

So that concludes my not very exciting 7 things you may or may not know about me.......

And now to link to 7 other bloggers: -

http://suomeasorceress.blogspot.com/

http://codlinsandcream2.blogspot.com/

http://completelyquackers.blogspot.com/

http://newishlifeinscotland.blogspot.com/

http://compostbins.blogspot.com/

http://teawithwillow.blogspot.com/

http://moonlightandhares.blogspot.com/

I will link to you all and invite you to join in with this tag but if its not for you then please do not worry.

If anyone I have not tagged would like to have a go then please feel free........

Favourite song meme (two!)

2010-02-06T13:56:00.002Z

I am a really lucky girl because I get two shots at this.... I have been tagged for the favourite song meme a second time by the lovely blogger http://newishlifeinscotland.blogspot.com/.. thank you so much for a second chance xxxx
So have had my thinking cap on a second time and after much deliberation I have decided on this as my second favourite song of all time........ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7Gbb2bTWAc
Now to tag a few lovely bloggers that may like to have a go at this meme... or anyone else that may like to join in... please feel free and have fun!!!
http://facebook-melmel.blogspot.com/
http://codlinsandcream2.blogspot.com/
http://www.earthenwitch.co.uk/
http://mrsnesbittsspace.blogspot.com/

Favourite song meme.........

2010-02-06T12:38:00.002Z

I have been tagged the other day by the lovely http://completelyquackers.blogspot.com/ and thought it a great idea to begin my new ... New Year on a more cheery note.....Thank you so much Sara xxxxx
This has been very hard to do as I have so many favourites and they change frequently. So over the past few days I have put my mind through the wringer and just has I thought I had decided I changed my mind.... but and I may change my mind again in the next few minutes I have decided that this song I have loved from the moment it was released and still love it just as much now... it has special meanings to me which will remain unsaid..... but take a listen and see what you think?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2m__rbD2IM
And now to tag a few lovely blogger's that may enjoy taking part in this.... although it is hard and I will understand if you would prefer not to take part, the choice is yours......... and of course anyone who would like to take part that I have not listed then please feel free....... xxxxx
http://suomeasorceress.blogspot.com/
http://mygenericmedium.blogspot.com/
http://compostbins.blogspot.com/
http://mrsc.typepad.co.uk/being_mrs_c/

Its hard to say goodbye...............

2009-12-05T11:51:00.000Z

On November 25th at 3.15pm it was time to say goodbye to Mum and lay her to rest, it was a day I was dreading and yet was needing to be done and had been a very long time coming due to finances etc.............
Thank god for very dear friends and family who got me through this dreadfully painful day......
I did not sleep much the night before and whenever I nodded off I seemed to wake with a start and a sicking gut wrenching feeling........ I just gave up and got up eventually and drank endless cups of coffee and kept checking my to do list and my order of service anything to keep busy and not think.....

My friends called to take Basil for a long walk at about 9.30am whilst my OH and I went out to do a few last minute chores and deliver my order of service stationary to the undertakers. I made the order of service myself and although quite unprofessional they were all individually made with love.....
Eventually it was time for us all to get changed and ready and I have to say I was so proud of all the effort my family made... my son looked so smart in his new white shirt and black tie.... no longer the boy but a man...............my daughter and partner arrived in good time and both dressed immaculately. My daughters partner was all suited and booted and looked so handsome! Thank god for my daughters early arrival as I was having a last minute panic with my unruly thick long hair..... my daughter thankfully put her daughterly skills into action and put it into a plait for me......I was ready just in the nick of time as suddenly my husband announced that the hearse was coming down the lane.... I began to shake...... quickly we locked up and went out into the road and there before me was Mum coming home for the very last time.... the lovely funeral director was walking in front of Mums hearse leading her back to me (I had no idea he was going to do that)...... I could feel this huge lump in my throat and god knows how I kept the tears back.
The funeral director introduced himself to me and told me not to worry about a thing, he would do all the worrying... his name was Bernie and I honestly don't know how I would have managed without Bernie during the funeral he was such a gentle, respectful helpful lovely man............
After various instructions etc all the cars following were instructed on how they would be expected to drive and what procedures would be taken on the journey to the crematorium and so we all took our positions... My OH who was driving, myself and my son in the first car, my daughter and partner in the second car and dear friends and neighbours following behind....... and again Bernie walked in front of Mums hearse and led her away... once in the car I just could not hold on any longer and sobbed...

The hearse was so beautiful clean and shiny, and Mums coffin and flowers looked beautiful... I know that may sound such a strange thing to say, but it has been a very hard time finding funds to cover the costs of this funeral and I have reluctantly had to do things on a very tight budget... and although the coffin was one of the more economical ones it still looked very respectful and the flowers that I ordered myself from an on-line florists (cheaper than the undertakers) looked beautiful..... and I am sure Mum would have been proud.
I had a mixture of fresh and silk flowers... I have future plans for the silk flowers.......

We were going to the North Chapel for Mums service (sounded so cold) however I was so wrong it was beautiful, warm and bright with a lovely country view, the crematorium is alongside woodland.......... we entered the chapel to our chosen music which was Michael Jacksons Earth Song a huge favourite of Mums.... the service was a humanist service and I chose it for many reasons but I wanted the service to be beautiful as my Mum was a beautiful lady who loved life and nature and I wanted the service to be taken in a specific way.... the humanist that took the service for me was a fantastic gentleman called Bill. Bill came to our home a few days before the service so we could plan how things were to be carried out. It was a Saturday and my OH was at home also so we were able to have a lovely hour together drinking coffee and deciding on various poems and things. I had already written Mums eulogy and it just needed a bit of tweaking... my husband had also written a poem for me about Mum and Bill loved it as much as I did and decided to read it out at the service.

Bill was a brilliant reader and his words were like soothing balm, I could listen to him speak forever............ I managed to keep a hold on my emotions until Bill read out my husbands poem and then I just broke down..... the rest of the service went like clockwork and the song played before the committal was Sleepsong by Secret Garden ... I just love this song and felt it would be so right to say goodbye to my Mum...... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvVi46MEGKw Bill said a few more things and the service ended with music The Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler. Bernie appeared again, bowed in respect to Mums coffin and then waited until we had finished listening to our final piece of music..... by this time I was a complete wreck, I had no idea how hard it was going to be and certainly thought I had no more tears left to cry, but I did and I have since cried more.. its hard dealing with that gut wrenching feeling that I get when I suddenly remember Mum is not with me to join in with something I know she would have loved of which their are many, she was after all part of me and my life for so long. I was talking to my son a couple of days ago and we were discussing Christmas and how none of us felt like celebrating it at all this year, then my son suddenly said... 'Mum its going to be so strange not hearing Nan's giggle over Christmas' and the tears welled up in his eyes, as they did mine..Mum loved the family get together on Christmas day and we always made an effort somehow to all be together, my daughter and her partner always turned up early in the morning for a few hours so we could open up our presents together.....no matter how hard I try I just cannot find the heart for Christmas so we will allow it to come and go with no frills and fuss this year, it will instead be a quiet peaceful time where we will remember Mum and Dad and others that have sadly passed......

After the funeral we went to a friend and neighbours house who had put on a huge spread for us... it was amazing and so kind of her and so appreciated. I did manage to eat a little but even that was hard to swallow.. the hot coffee went down well and somewhere along the way I was given some wine to drink which actually made me very tired, the rest of the day was just a haze of saying and doing the right things.

I thought I would be better the day after the funeral but once alone, both OH and Son had gone back to work, it hit me harder still and I just spent the day frozen unable to settle to anything,chores were impossible, reading, writing, the computer nothing distracted me from my thoughts, I was even unable to shut my eyes and sleep, unable to listen to music, watch the television. I was in a right old state... just sat and wept on and off all day but guess it was needed. When I lost my gorgeous Dad, I was so busy looking after Mum I didn't grieve properly and that came out a lot later and made me ill... so this time I have shed huge amounts of tears, have felt the raw pain of grief and its been hell and still is at times, but this time I have experienced it and that has to be healthier I guess.

I am due to collect Mums ashes soon and I will keep them in a special place alongside Dads ashes until the a decision on what I should or shouldn't do with them is made... cannot deal with that yet.

And now I must move on with life once more and try to find my way... need to find a new path to follow, but its hard to move from where I am at as yet so waiting for inspiration. One thing I am sure of is that I will be so glad to see an end to this year and although I won't celebrate Christmas I am most certainly going to welcome in the New Year with open arms................

And this is now going to be my last post about my Mums demise.... as this is my blog recording my life I needed to blog about my life this year caring for Mum and the emotions that went along with my care for Mum, but now I have lost my Mum I know I have to move on, somehow..... and I guess following my blog has been somewhat depressing to many this year and yet I hope it may have helped others that may be experiencing similar situations.... what I did want to achieve is for people to understand how heartbreaking dementia can be and what an awful disease it is. I myself had no idea what devastation it caused.... I am emotionally wrung out now, as the sadness is hard to bear and the tiredness I feel is incredible...................
So my blog will now be about my slow and steady climb back to normality,and whatever that may entail .......
Thank you all for taking the time to read/follow my blog over the past year and your comments and support have been invaluable...... you are all incredible people xxxxxxxxx

An Empty Room.........

2009-11-20T02:51:00.011Z

I have been overwhelmed by the kindness of my family, friends and neighbours and I am truly thankful for ALL of the lovely comments left on my blog and I thank you ALL from the bottom of my heart... my family and I are very grateful xxxxxxx

Mums funeral will be held next Wednesday at 3.15 pm and I am busying myself with the preparations..... its has taken this long to finally lay Mum to rest as we have struggled to find the funds for her funeral. We have our own financial problems and do not have spare funds ourselves to pay for the funeral and Mum passed away leaving nothing for her funeral and also debts....... I was aware of the debts before she passed away and was trying to pay off what I could on her behalf and also dealing with the heartless debt collectors who sent out vile letters or made vile phone calls.. I am ashamed to say I screamed at one debt collector who called shortly after Mum had died...... it was all too much.. yes I know they have a job to do and they have to earn a living but for gods sake some are just vile.......

Mum lived in a park home (as we do) we were four doors apart from each other. We have managed to sell Mums park home back to the park owner who will get rid of Mums home to a farmer who will use if for an office or some such thing and a new park home will be sited in its place, the site is in a prime spot as its secluded and over looks two fields and a decent profit will be made by the site owner... however this sale has enabled me to pay off some of Mums debt and pay for Mums funeral.

I will be so glad when this year is over, I am so tired out. Christmas in my mind is completely off the agenda this year I have neither the heart or the energy..... and my family are happy for me to let Christmas pass by.......Ideally I really would like to hibernate over the Christmas period and wake up when the New Year has arrived.......

My son is slowly moving back into his old room (the room that was for a short period of time Mums room) we are letting him do this at his own pace as he was very upset about his Nans passing. We only have two bedrooms and while Mum was with us our son would sleep at his Nans home... the day she passed away he just could not bring himself to go into his Nans place and sleep... so he his sleeping in our bed and OH and I are sleeping on the two sofas in the living room... its really very comfortable and we are managing just fine... will not be for much longer as what was once Mums room is again becoming warm and inviting (the cold feeling it had for a short while has gone) and as our sons 'stuff' is slowly put back, de-cluttered as he goes and re-arranged its becoming his room once again...... so our camping days are nearly over...

The room was so empty after Mum had gone... the undertakers who collected Mum during the evening were the biggest burliest and kindest men I could ever wish to met....... at the time the road outside our home was been resurfaced and it had been a week of hellish noise, drilling and heavy rollers and things, the poor undertakers had to remove, cones, kerbstones and god knows what to get to our home but without complaint they did this and were so respectful in everything they did.... and after they had taken Mum as they drove out the put every cone and obstacle back in place... the most moving scene greeted me when they had gone and I went back into that empty room and this is what I found.........

I could not believe my eyes..... these two men had reached up and found Mums teddy and placed it on Mums pillow...... as you can imagine I just broke down and sobbed... but that small gesture meant so much and I will remember it always................

A week after Mum had passed away the hospital bed and other equipment was removed and the room was emptied of its adorments which were based on making it a lovely room for Mum... the room looked so empty it was awful.....

But soon it will be used again and life must go on........

I have lit a candle for Mum on my blog..... and it will stay until after her funeral.... I also found this poem and thought I would share it .......

Light A Candle

light a candle,
see it glow,
watch it dance,
when you feel low,
think of me,
think of light,
I'll always be here,
day or night,
a candle flickers,
out of sight,
but in your heart,
I still burn bright,
think not of sadness,
that I'm not near,
think of gladness,
and joyous cheer,
I have not left,
I am not gone,
I'm here to stay
my little one,
so when you light a candle
and you see it glow
and you watch it dance
in your heart you'll know
that I would never leave you
even when you feel so blue
I'm sitting up here with the Lord
and now watching over you

Light a candle by J (at, Familyfriendspoems)

We Remember.............

2009-11-08T09:29:00.004Z

We remember those who have fallen and those who are still falling.....................

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

Mum has passed away

2009-10-29T02:57:00.011Z

Thank god I was finally able to have Mum home... Over the past four weeks I have spent many precious hours with her.. talking to her, feeding, changing, reassuring, and loving her through this awful debilitating illness ..... but yesterday she finally found peace and I was with her as she sadly passed away... as she began to slip away I was able to tell her how much I loved her and how much she was loved by all of the family, I was able to hold her hand and tell her not to be scared as she would soon find peace and I was able to say goodbye and that means so much to me......

Our GP came out to certify her passing and was so wonderful with us all.... she had only just lost her own father so was very sensitive to our needs and told me that I should call the undertaker only when I was ready to do so..... and so I was able to spend time with Mum playing soft music and burning some essential oils... give her a wash and dress her, brush her hair and make her look beautiful..... just that little bit longer before I had to let her go....... and then when I knew it was time I made the phone call to the undertaker........ and now she is gone I am bereft..... but with the love of my family and friends I will get through this.... now their is much to do and I guess keeping busy will help. I cannot stop the tears at the moment, I know it was expected and I know that her life was a torment and now she is at peace but I miss her so much and it hurts........

Time to come home......

2009-09-29T03:52:00.006+01:00

Mum is coming home..... I just cannot believe it......
Mum has been away since June and it seems like an eternity.

Mum was getting very upset every time I visited because she thought I was coming to take her home and could not understand why I didn't and on recent visits she has been extremely angry with me and told me to go away as I was wicked and she has began to swear at me, words I have never heard her use before.....I think through all the muddle she is so fed up with all the broken promises, promises that I did not want to break but something always seemed to go wrong to prevent her homecoming but Mum is far too muddled and angry to understand any explanation.
Its very hard when my gentle sweet Mum is physically aggressive with me and tries to pinch or strike me. I have to be honest I am finding it very hard to bear... I have to go away and shed some silent tears...........

Mum has actually improved a little and as quoted by Mums Community Psychiatric Nurse John 'shes a tough cookie'!!
John popped into see me the other day to have a cup of tea and a chat.... just to see how I was doing and to discuss Mum...
John has stressed to me that although Mum has rallied a little she is not going to get better and she is coming home to die and I was to be under no illusions regarding that which of course I am not.

John is going to get in touch with our local GP and put her up to date with Mums care and required medical needs at home and arrange the possibility of drips should Mum eventually stop eating all together.

Mum is now eating a little better but that is not consistent and some days are better than others. Mum has to have all liquids thickened and all her food pureed.

Thursday morning the hospital bed and pressure mattress will be delivered and set up for Mum and once that is in-situ Mum will be discharged and I pray that coming home will give her some peace and contentment. I just want to make her as happy as possible.
I have to admit to having very mixed feelings, yes I am so happy Mum is coming back to me finally!!! and yet I am also somewhat scared because her recent aggressive behaviour towards me is troubling me greatly and if I am not able to 'communicate' with her then looking after her is going to be a nightmare.. I need to feed her and for that I need her co-operation and I need to administer her various medicines and I am so worried that if she refuses to eat or take her medicines because I have become this person that she dislikes so much then I will have to seek medical help as she is already so terribly frail and refusal of food and medicines will very quickly make her seriously ill........
It makes me so sad that Mum at present feels such anger and almost hatred towards me. I know its the dementia, such a hateful condition. I am told that I have to try to let this go as the Mum I know and love with all my heart has already left me ... but that is easier said than done.

Tomorrow is now going to be a manic day... thought I was all ready for Mums homecoming, but suddenly realise I need to get to the shops to buy foods suitable for Mum., toiletries and a couple of special drinking beakers... and the list of things to do is endless, I so want it all to be perfect!!
Perfect for my perfect Mum..............

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials,
heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles
thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavour by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.

- Washington Irving

An Emotional Rollercoaster!!

2009-09-12T07:32:00.001+01:00

Basil loves this tub.... its very old and rotten and was going to be emptied and thrown away Basil decided he would help out and got into the tub, dug most of the old soil out (dirt everywhere!!) and then settled in the tub for a good old nap!!

I have been working on this draft/post for some time now. I fitted it in as and when I could. So. many changes have occurred and so much has happened in such a short space of time, where did summer go this year? This post is mostly about my Mum who I am very sad to say has rapidly deteriorated since this post was started. Its been a really hard time emotionally. I was going to scrap this draft and start again, but on reflection it may be wise to leave things as they are so you can read about my summer and my dear, precious Mum and then when you get to the end of the post I will include recent updates. This is a very long post to read and I apologise for its length but their is lots to catch up on. I am also very sorry that I have taken such a long to publish a post... (naughty blogger again!) but I know that you will all understand why I am so behind with posting...... however I have enjoyed keeping up with all your wonderful blogs and have at least had the time to participate in making comments at times. I have loved reading your blogs over the past months its helped take my mind of things. xxxx

June 2009
Mum continued to deteriorate and eventually after a four month wait Mum finally got to see the consultant again and so another chapter in our lives begins.....

The consultant was not very happy with Mums decline in health and spirit and so decided that Mum was to be admitted to the special hospital that deals with mental health problems in aged people.

Mum was horrified to hear this and it took a great deal of persuasion to get Mum to come into the the hospital as she did not want to leave her home and family. Mum is a very quiet gentle lady who has never mixed easily and is somewhat shy so this was a really scary thing for Mum and I have to say I was not at all happy to endorse this decision although I knew it was the only way forward for Mum... needless to say many tears were shed by both Mum and I on the day of admission. It was hard for me to be strong and brave but I tried I really, really did!!

Mum needs to be in this hospital for up to a month or more so they can try out drugs to lift her mood as she is very depressed and of course to trial drugs on a dementia patient means they need to be monitored 24/7 over a period of time to ensure their are no side effects and if their are they can be dealt with swiftly, not something that can be done at home. They have also discovered Mum was suffering from a minor infection and sodium problems they are having to deal with that first before the testing can begin.

In Mums room at the special hospital on one of my visits, that is my daughter sat on Mums bed. Mum has brought teddy with her during her stay in hospital as she adores her teddy and he is a great comfort to her at times and I know she holds and cuddles him during the night.

I visit Mum everyday and thankfully I have a wonderful community of friends, neighbours and family who rally around and ensure I have a lift each day as I cannot drive.

The visits have been rather difficult as Mum wants so much to come home. When its time to go it can be very difficult and I usually have to find a nurse to deal with Mum whilst I leave as she is so very upset! The other day she caused quite a scene and I had to leave without saying goodbye.. it broke my heart to see her like this and by the time I got through the secure door and into the foyer I broke down and sobbed, it was all just to much to bear. The nurses were wonderful and gave me a much needed hug and chatted with me for a while and talked me through a few concerns I had and I was able to dry my eyes and sort myself out... wonderful, wonderful lovely dedicated nurses!!!

One of the friends I have who takes me on regular visits to Mum is one of my neighbours who I have recently gotten to know via Mums illness and her name is A. She is a fantastic support to both Mum and I and has helped me through so many lows. A has a disabled husband who has many problems including mild dementia. A used to work in this field and ran her own care home for many years. Also A has cared for her husband for seven years now so her advice is invaluable.

I also suffer with my own health problems and one of them is social phobia (long story for another time!) so some of these recent advents in my life are very testing. Thanks to a wonderful councillor I have come on leaps and bounds and so I have been able to cope reasonably well.

Due to a few concerns I have over Mum A has helped me to set up a review meeting which will be this coming Monday. A will accompany me to this meeting at my request as its a little daunting for me to deal with alone as the meeting will consist of Mums consultant, a social worker, occupational therapist and one of he nurses that have helped care for Mum so just a bit to much for me to deal with alone... I have moved forward in so many ways after a couple of years of counselling me through this phobia but this meeting is pushing my boundaries. I know the meeting is for my benefit but my nerves will be at an all time high on the day so A will be my rock and of course her experience will make sure the right questions get asked and hopefully answered.

During Mums stay in hospital we have had quite a lot of other issue's to cope with. The first one been that Mums home is now under threat from the site owner. Mums home was recently surveyed at the site owners insistence. The surveyors report back is not at all good. Although the surveyor states in his report that Mums home is not detrimental to the site and is tucked away out of view of the site quite a few items require immediate attention. The site owner came to pay us an unexpected visit the other day to inform us of this. He also wanted to know what my intentions for Mum were and was she going to continue to stay in her home or go into a care home and then referred to a lady in the other road who (his words!) had lost her marbles and the family had put her into a home....after biting my lip and composing myself I told him that it was my intention to care for her in her own home!! So he then said we did need to do a lot of work to her home and he would prioritise things for us so we could work on them over a period of time.. when my husband pointed out to him that its been stated by an association called 'N.a.p.e.r' who are an advisory service for residents living in park homes that the survey should not have been carried out and that he was not in his rights to survey the property only the pitch... the site owner proceeded to tell us we could either do it in a friendly manner or it could go the other way and be done by taking Mum to court..... wonder how that would fair, taking a lady with senile dementia to court!!?? I have since discussed this situation with Mums consultant who told us that Mum was protected under a mental health act and could not be evicted from her home and if we needed letters to confirm this we only needed to ask. I have yet to gather a little more information and then we will be arranging another meeting with the site owner to discuss further developments and inform him of Mum rights under the mental health act and if he wants to take Mum to court then he can.......

As it happens after an impromptu discussion with one of the health care people at the hospital it seems that Mum will have to live with us when she comes home as she now requires 24 hour care. Not sure if this is for a short while after discharge and after a 'period' of time Mum can return to her own home with a care package in place to support me as her main carer or whether Mum will live will stay with us full time... this now leaves a question mark over her home. However as Mum would have to move into our Sons room as we only have a two bedroom park home and my Son who would have no where else to go would need to sleep at Mothers house to enable this to happen so guess we need to continue with the required repairs etc..... so a lot of thinking needs to be done.... and I am sick of thinking, wondering, worrying and trying to make decisions.

My son has also been made redundant and he is struggling to find work and job seekers allowance is such a small amount that its not covering his debts and debts are beginning to mount up and due to our financial situation we are unable to help out much..... its all just too much to cope with at times and I am so, so fed up with all the mounting problems that are seemingly unsolvable at present.

Seems we take one step forward and then a hundred back.... just want a little tiny bit of luck for a change..... sorry to always moan these days that's all my posts seem to be about... moan and groan!!

On a lighter and more positive note.... I have won the giveaway on ...........http://compostbins.blogspot.com/2009/07/and-winner-is.html

which really made my day as I never win anything.... so thank you so much Compost woman you have made me very happy!!!

I love my organic garden and I am very passionate about it....... and time spent in the garden is so relaxing I loose myself completely, guess it helps me to cope.

Also walking Basil is an enjoyable time and its nice to get away and enjoy the surrounding countryside. I often take my friends dog Syd who I have mentioned before on my blog... Syd and Basil are very good friends! Also I often walk with Syd's owner L who is also a friend of mine and A comes along for the company and when the three of us are walking time just flies by as we chatter, laugh, cry, moan, let off steam and generally act about like three young girls... sometimes the dogs get fed up of waiting for us as we are often found in the middle of a field having quite a discussion... last night we started walking at 8.30pm and did not get back until 10pm (ish) We are often heard having a sing song on the way back home and as none of us have a really brilliant singing voice it can sound like a load of felines howling in the night!! But I have to say by the time I get back I often feel a lot less stressed!!

Last night on my return my husband and son had prepared a barbecue for me (My son has recently discovered the art of cooking!!) and the food was cooking nicely when I returned. Table laid and my every need catered for..... and the garden had been watered (I was going to do this after my walk) It was such a nice surprise... I felt truly spoiled!! I have a very loving and supportive family and I am truly blessed!!

My husband adores my Mum and when he visits with me he is very attentive to her needs as well as been a real support to me. Mum loves my husband also and is happy to accept his help. They have now started Mum on antidepressants and I have to say visiting is much harder to deal with as she is just not herself and so far although she has physically improved to a certain extent, mentally she seems very much worse. I am not sure if this place is creating more distress and so I wrestle with the guilt that maybe I have not done the right thing by allowing Mum to come here... should I have put my foot down or is it early days yet and once the drugs are upped things may improve???? Mum was on 10mls of Citlopram last week and this week they are upping it to 20mls.... when I go for a visit at the moment Mum becomes very agitated and after about twenty minutes she gets very distressed and will not settle and begins this endless walking around looking for something, someone as most of the patients do... its not an easy place to be.

One gentleman is so a sweet person and we exchange greetings every time I go and have a little chat... K is always looking for his friend... Then we have D who is a very friendly lady who insists she is the boss as the staff have fondly named her and she was discussing with my husband the other day the sale of the hospital to him and she would be able to help him run the place. Then we have other patients who are very stressed and can be quite disruptive at times and one lady insists that they are going to kill her. Then we have one gentleman who continually walks around and around and never speaks... although I keep on saying hello to him and maybe one day it will get through... its such a sad disease. The staff are amazing and one of staff nurses showed me the bruises on her arm that she acquired from one of the 'challenging male patients who became a little bit aggressive... but nonetheless she was still smiling and was cuddling D the boss lady as she spoke to us... such dedication and love they are amazing people!!

New update......... JULY 2009

I should have published the above but what with one thing and another never managed to do so. Since I have written the above more changes have occurred and the remaining part of this post will record the most recent events that have taken to place or about to take place.......

I have now had the review meeting with the consultant and his team on Monday. I have to say sitting in a room full of people with my social phobia problems was very daunting but my very good friend A was most supportive and spoke up when I was unable to find the words. The meeting was quite distressing at times as I was finally told the extent of Mums dementia which is now advanced senile dementia and Mums brain is now shutting down at quite a rapid rate. After I was told this news I was asked how I saw the future and after struggling to find the words, just completely broke down... and I felt all those eyes focusing on my raw emotion... thank god for A's comforting hand which held mine tightly.......... (my councillor will be proud of me......!!)

Quite a few things were discussed in this meeting but I have to say I did not hear everything that was said as I was so upset..

I was also asked how I felt about resuscitating Mum if she experienced a collapse/cardiac arrest. I wasn't expecting this question and it really shocked me to the core.. but decided in an instant that Mum no longer has a quality of life so decided that nature should be allowed to take its course and no resuscitation will be necessary. I know deep in my heart it would be what Mum would want as she as been so lost since Dads death and as hard as it is to say it I know she has wanted to join him as life has not been the same sine he left this earth. They were so close and did everything together and such a happy couple... and nothing has cured her broken heart so when its time to let her go then so be it!

Mum was to be discharged on Monday 27th July and we have been busily preparing her room. The room in question was our sons room but with our sons agreement he moved out to allow his Nan to come home and be with us for as long as is possible. Our son is now sleeping down at his Nans so in theory they have done a swap. I think my son is enjoying the peace and quiet at his Nans.

The Occupational Therapist came out to inspect our home prior to Mums discharge... and unbelievably she has decided that her decision is NO to Mum coming home. I am devastated by this news and just broke my heart after she had left yesterday.

I have since arranged a meeting as we are outraged by this decision. I will meet with staff at the home next Wednesday as she really needs to be back home with us her family who love and adore her and where she will be safe and well looked after. I do not deal with meetings altogether well and invariably often forget what I want to say or can not always put across what I want to say., so I have decided to draught a letter that can be read out at the meeting... this is a copy of the letter: -
Re: Occupational Therapist Report
On Thursday 23rd July I was visited by ***** ***** the Occupational Therapist from ********* House who arrived at 1pm (slightly earlier than originally agreed)
The visit left me devastated as after the ‘inspection’ by *** my home was deemed as an unsafe environment for my Mother to be discharged home to!!
The steps into our home were mentioned as difficult (sharp intake of breath!) mats… tut, tut!! A big no no… (Mats can be removed can they not?). Uneven flooring….etc…..
Cooker in an unsafe place, then the BATHROOM!! Corner bath a real problem absolutely no way can that be resolved. So it was decided that Mum would not be allowed home!! But maybe it would be too much for us anyway… constant 24 hour care, hubby may find it difficult!! My husband and I have discussed this matter fully and inside and out…. We have talked of nothing else for weeks and spent a great deal of time making plans for Mums homecoming! Our joint decision to look after my Mum has not been taken lightly!!
A last minute check on the toilet created even more ‘oh no’s’ not enough room for Mum to be sat on the toilet....
Then the final decider seemed to be the dog and cats… ‘What two cats!!!’ OH NO!!!!

Dr **** told me at the review meeting that Mum really needed to go back home as soon as possible as she was becoming institutionalised and nothing more could be done to help her dementia.
He also agreed to allow Mum to stay at ******** House for a further two weeks so we could prepare for her much looked forward to home-coming. My husband and I have worked as hard as we could in-between other commitments to prepare Mums room and in doing so have moved our son out (with his agreement) so we can accommodate her. Mums room although not quite finished at the time of the inspection would have been completed in time for her discharge. This was the only room that the OT approved of!!

So what to do next…. After much upset and disappointment and weighing up the situation this is what I and my husband and family have discussed and strongly agree upon. WE do want Mum to come home as soon as possible and at present we do not agree with Mum moving into a nursing home. We STRONGLY and wholeheartedly agree that Mum should be removed from the ******** as soon as possible as we feel this is much less of a safe environment for Mum to be ‘living in’ due to recent assaults that she has had to endure by other patients, three in total that I am aware of and mainly from one patient who has to be constantly ‘specialled’ due to his tendency for aggressive behaviour and we feel should not be residing at ******** ***** as both my husband, family and friends have witnessed his aggression and the upset it has caused the other patients who have been extremely frightened by his outbursts!! On a very recent visit I have had to leave my Mum in a very anxious and terrified state because of his actions not at all helping my Mothers nervous disposition and anxious mood swings.

Therefore I feel that our home is although deemed unsafe via ***** ******… a MUCH SAFER place for Mum to be living than the unsafe environment of ******** *****as added to the physical assaults Mum has received Mum has also fallen in the garden at ******** ****** and cut open her forehead and had to attend A & E for the wound to be glued and steri stripped.
I am quite sure our home and its ‘unsafe problems’ can be made suitable for Mum if **** **** and ourselves work together to this end. If we are successful, Mum will be safe in her new home, surrounded by people who love her, not people assaulting her.

I cannot understand why Basil the family dog and our two cats Bold and Boots constitute cause for concern. Perhaps they are a trip hazard?? I don’t know. Mum LOVES all our animals, Basil in particular. I found this to be very upsetting as I know how therapeutic pets are to someone who is ‘ill’ Basil last year spent many hours sitting by the bed of my late father –in – law (Jim) who had come home to die as he had terminal lung cancer. Basil was a great comfort to him and this was acknowledged by the wonderful Macmillan nurses who were carers for him. As pets are part of my Mums life they should be welcomed in the home rather than discouraged. I would far prefer Mum to have a ‘trip’ over a much loved pet than to receive a smack around the head from an aggressive patient!!

To conclude, the wishes of we the family of ***** *****… a much loved Mum, Mum in law and Grandmother, want at no matter what cost her return home were she can be cared for and most importantly LOVED by her family. We may not have much time left to spend with Mum before she loses our identities, as she is already in the advanced stages of dementia. All this ‘red tape’ is wasting precious time on treatment that is achieving nothing, and according to her consultant is actually making Mum worse. I am Mums only daughter and we have always been very close. I, her family and close friends are grieving slowly for someone who is alive, yet slowly dying before us and we so desperately need to spend this last bit of time with her before she is ‘gone’ forever. I made a promise to my Dad who was much older than Mum to look after her as he was worried that he would most likely die before her due to their age gap I said I would always look after Mum right to the end and I need to fulfil this promise. Although Mum was admitted to ******** with our consent and with her knowledge, it still scared her to think she was leaving us. We assured her that her stay would be short term and she would definitely be returning home after her assessment. As my Mother is not sectioned, and at ******** *****of her own free will, surely she can leave of her own free will. This is what we all want, please accommodate us.

I have no intention of breaking these promises. I LOVE my Mum and my Dad more than words can say and I need to honour my promises as a much loved daughter.

(Written on Friday 24th July 2009 by Mrs **** ******, daughter of Mrs ***** *****)

So this is where we are at now and again we are hitting our heads against a brick wall. I know I should not moan and groan as their are others much, much worse of than us... but I am so sick and tired of all the constant battles that plague our lives, I am so, so tired of it all now and I am quickly running out of steam. Yes I brush myself down and pick myself up again, but one can only do that so many times.

Battling the site owner, battling with our finances, battling to find my son a job, battling with the creditors that plague my son with phone calls because he does not have enough money to pay his bills now he's out of work even though he has tried to reason with them, and that includes his 'caring sharing bank'!!and now battling to get my Mum home! We like to think ourselves as good honest caring people who will do anything to help anyone if we can, pay our bills etc and do the right thing and yet we feel like we can do nothing right. I pray for things to change for the better. Its hard to wake each day and feel at peace with the world, these days I wake up and for a few seconds I feel sleepily peaceful and then my brain kicks in and all the 'crap' (sorry!) that we have to deal with flows through my mind like a stormy wave hitting the rocks and then my stomach lurches with fear and getting out of bed becomes a really hard thing to do.......

'Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength'
Charles Haddon Spurgeon

August 2009

Well I did not show that letter at the meeting. (reading it back it was a bit much, I think I just needed to let it out and writing what I felt it vented my anger/emotions ) A came with me and between us I managed to put my position across and although its not ideal as Mum needs to be home as soon as possible we have agreed that Mum stays at ******* ***** for another two weeks giving us more time to put other things right in our home that will insure Mums discharge. Its been agreed that Mum will have a comode in her bedroom and be fully washed in the bedroom thus not needing the use of our 'unsuitable bath/ bathroom' We are having a new floor laid in the kitchen, moving the cooker and having specialised steps with rails built into our home and other bits and pieces that need to be sorted out.

So we set to work.... I have had such wonderful help from friends and family.... and also another hero entered our lives, and thank god for this wonderful man! This man will be known as John and he is my Mums Community Psychiatric Nurse. He is the helping hand that I need when things become desperate. He has managed to diplomatically find another more suitable Occpational Therapist that is more qualified with home situations and John and this lovely lady came to my home and have sorted out so many things that caused me so much upset after the first OT visit that prevented Mums discharge. Pets are also very welcome !! This OT will come to see me and give me a course on caring and the correct way to lift sick/elderly patients prior to Mums discharge. Also if needed I may be able to have the use of a hospital bed. Life looks like improving again........

The painting of Mums room to be, before and in the process of after, the new kitchen floor, the process of a floor repair in our living / dinning room by the main door of entry, the new floor covering in the dinning room area and finally the process of replaced steps and fitting handrails for entry into our home, still need to stain and replace some of the step paving (during the replacement of these steps and attaching handrails which has taken about two weeks due to fitting the work around other committments Mum has now lost the ability to walk, so if I ever manage to get her back home she will be brought home by ambulance and carried in by ambulance persons)

But..... again life hits us with more troubles...

I went to visit Mum and found her completely zombified and she had been sedated. My sweet dear Mum had been trying to push the communial television over and become very aggressive and agitated. I quickly realised that Mum would most likely have an infection. Mum has a lung condition and she is easily prone to infection. The staff said they would get the doctor to check Mum out. It was confirmed she had an infection which makes Mum very unstable. So antibiotics were prescribed. Two days later I had a phone call to say they were closing Mums ward down, some patients were moving upstairs, others going to homes and Mum to another assessment hospital miles away!!

The move was the last thing Mum needed, far to unsettling. I pleaded with them to keep her where she was as it would distress her so much but no matter what I said even though we were days away from Mums discharge Mum had to be moved.

Mums clothes did not go with her, they were not packed, Mums glasses/ hearing aid were lost. The whole move was a complete shambles and the glasses and hearing are still missing never to be found again.

Because of the distance and no transport I was not able to visit Mum very much and because of the move and the infection it totally destroyed Mum. Mum became very agitated. Then an incident occured on a particarully bad day for Mum and she began screaming at another patient who got very cross with Mum and then he pushed her over and this resulted in Mum fracturing her pelvis and yet another visit to A & E.....

Mum was given some sort of a girdle thing to wear and was returned to the home. I visited Mum that weekend on the Sunday and she was in a wheelchair pushed up to the table which stopped her from getting up. Mums hair was filthy, nails dirty, hands and face sticky with food. Mum was in a very poor state health wise and she was vile with me. I knew something was very wrong and it looked like she still had an infection. The very next morning I rang John the CPN. John went to visit Mum soon after my call and confirmed that Mum was indeed not at all well. John also managed to get the staff to understand about Mums lung condition and that she may indeed still have an infection. Prior to this I had great difficulty getting them to listen to what I was saying about Mums lung condition etc... John then promptly called me and informed me of his findings and that he had made things very clear to the staff. He also insisted that they checked Mum out for further infection. This was on the Monday. I was not able to visit Mum until the following weekend due to transport difficulties and apart from my daily phone calls to find out how Mum was which were always answered by someone that seemed to find my calls an inconvenience and I got the impression that I was been a bit of a pain.... not a very comfortable feeling. On the Friday I was called from the home/hospital to say that Mum had been taken to A & E again, she was indeed very ill and was not swallowing, it was coming up the to the August bank holiday and they felt she should be checked out by the hospital.

I went to see Mum on the Saturday and she was fast asleep and attached to an intravenous drip, intravenous antibotics (and yes she did have an infection!!) and on oxygen. Mum did not wake all the time I was with her but she looked so frail and weak. I began to realise that things were looking very grave indeed so I arranged a meeting with the hospital doctor for the Thursday. I also spoke to a really lovely ward sister who spent a lot of time with me explaining the swallowing situation that Mum was experiencing. This ward sister was a real sweetheart and has been a great help to me emotionally. I was unable to visit Mum on Sunday and Bank Holiday Monday as my OH took me to Norfolk on Sunday to visit old friends and neighbours. We have know these dear friends for 29 years and we have always keep in close contact. It was so nice to get away for just the day. My daughter and her partner looked after Basil for us. We were away for just the day but it was a very welcome distraction and so nice to have a heart to heart with very dear friends!! They made the day very special for us and the time just flew by.... If you are reading this dear sweet friends... THANK YOU so much for that wonderful day!!!

I did phone each day however and Mum remained much the same which was good news, although an improvement would have been much better news.

September 2009

On the Monday we had a long time planned family and friends get together. The weather was ok (thank goodness!!) so we had a barbeque in the garden. We don't entertain very often , especially so since I have been suffering with my social phobia...... so this was a BIG day! It was also nice as my husbands brother was coming over from Scotland and he brought another brother that had sort of seperated himself from the family for about ten years. No idea why and its been so sad, and one day when T is ready he may tell us, but no matter this was the day that the brothers were reunited and it was the BEST day ever!!! Also it was the day that the family were to be finally introduced to my daughters partner. It was a HUGE success and we all had a really GREAT time. It began at 1.30pm and went on until 11.30pm... such a lovely, lovely day. Even Basil had his doggy friend around for the day... Syd and Basil had a great time!!

On the Tuesday reality hit and I visited Mum again, who was again asleep and looking very weak. Things did not look at all good.

On the Wednesday I called John the CPN and informed him that Mum was now in hospital. He warned me that Mum may not really recover from this and if she did she was a long way off from coming home, if at all as she may now need the full time care of a nursing home. However I was not looking at this through rose tinted glasses and John and I agreed that things were moving very fast and it may be time to get family members to visit Mum.

On Thursday the meeting with the doctor confirmed my fears. Mum is in a very advanced stage of dementia and she is now forgetting how to swallow. Mum cannot have a feed through the nose as she will pull it out. Mum is far to weak to have an operation to insert a feed through her stomach and the Doctor does not recommend it as it will be very painful for Mum and again it can be pulled out. So the only option is to feed Mum when she actually wants food and hope that it does not go into her lungs. Mum is not wanting food or drink and will fight the nurses when they attempt to feed her. This is making it difficult to also give Mum her medications. Mum cannot walk now as she is too frightened after the fall, so the situation is extremley bleak. John (CPN) and I both agree that it seems as if Mum as given up and no longer has the will to live. And who could blame her... how she must be feeling I really don't know. Life is just one big muddle, moved from pillar to post, poked and prodded, promises to go home not kept, not seeing her family everyday and most likely not understanding why, day becoming night and night becoming day, and just wanting to shut those eyes and block it all out..... it just breaks my heart.

Three months ago, I knew Mum was ill and things were going to become more difficult as time would go on. But I was able to chat with her, watch her favourite soap Emmerdale with her and she was able to eat by herself...... thats all gone now in a short space of three months. Each day that went by I lost more and more of her and now I can no longer chat with her, although I still try in the hope she can understand me.... as I prattle on about whos doing this and that....

Mum still knows me and I see those tired eyes light up when I turn up to see her. Mum even tells me off sometimes when I try to make her comfortable or help the nurses change her... its a real treat to hear her say 'for goodness sake Jane!!' The biggest thing of all is she has lost her beautiful smile and really wonderful happy laugh. I would give anything to see that smile again. Mostly its fear and agitation and then she just weeps... especially when she sees the two girls and the baby over there, wherever over there is..... another sympton of dementia are the hallucinations. Sometimes she calls me Mum apparently that is called role reversal. One minute I can be Jane and the next I am Mum.

I so want to get Mum home, no matter how hard it will be... I know that if its at all possible it will only be for a short while as I know full well myself and the family do not have long left with Mum. I know that the Doctor and nurses at the meeting respect my wishes and understand my need to spend just a little longer with my Mum... but we shall have to see and hope that something finally works out. I can only take each day at a time and each day I see Mum is precious. Today I came in to find the nurse trying so hard to feed Mum who can only eat pureed food now and Mum was not cooperating with the nurse at all and kept spitting the food out. The nurse asked me if I could maybe have a go to see if Mum would respond better with me. Slowly and surely Mum began to eat, swallow and ate nearly a whole pot of banana fortified pudding. That made me feel so happy!!

A old family photograph, quality not brilliant due to this imagine been a photograph of a photograph. This is my Mum and Dad and me..

September 11th

Firstly on a lighter note our son has still not been able to find work, but we have now been to Cititizens Advice regarding my sons bills and the nightmare of the continuous hounding of the bank and his creditors. The CAB have been brilliant and have already given my son some great help/advice and he does have some hope and a way to get his life back on track without debt. We have another appointment next week to finalise the option he prefers to take to get things sorted out for once and for all.

Mum has just received a letter from the site owners solicitors threatening to take Mum to court regarding her home if she does not comply with the site regulations to do various repairs on her home.... what a nice man he his, he knows full well how ill and frail Mum is yet he still wants to take this frail, ill and 78 year old lady to court, its unbelivable!

(sorry the above paragraphs went into smaller font... try as I may Blogger will not let me alter this ... and I now officially give up... sigh!!)

Well Mum has been moved yet again. This time its to another ward and just as we were getting Mum to eat again.. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I am pulling my hair out and I really cannot bear much more of this. Mum has left a lovely quiet ward (its for stroke patients) as they needed Mums bed for a stroke victim which of course is totally understandable and I am not for one minute complaining of that. Its just frustrating as its the last thing she needed. The ward she is now in is awful, Mum is up in a corner by a window which has the blinds permantly shut as another building is feet away and in the process of some alterations so green sheeting is everywhere. Mum is left in the corner all on her own with the odd intervention by nurses as and when required. Previously Mum was on the second floor up and overlooking countryside, and could watch the trees blowing in the wind see the sunshine and sky. Now she has nothing to look at...... and I am finding it so upsetting and although I tentatively say how unhappy she is to the ward manager it seems to fall on deaf ears.

The last couple of days she becomes very upset when I go to visit her, she begs to come home, and she gets so agitated and begins to cry and scream and then hide under the sheets, I feel the eyes of other patients and vistors looking disapprovingly at Mum and I feel so angry with them and then I begin to get anxious. Mum has not eaten for the last two days, I can hear her chest rattling again, her hair is greasy and her nails unclean and she is becoming so unresponsive. I have mentioned all this but they say that they cannot get her to respond to anything they suggest..... and I suppose they don't have the time to mess around so she is left. Its breaking my heart. The other ward she was in she had some really lovely understanding nurses looking after her and one of the ward sisters own Mother suffered with dementia so she was totally sympathic to Mums needs and slowly Mum was responding, now we are back to square one and worse.....I really don't know who I can talk to but I am far from happy about things. My guardian angel, John the CPN will be back on Monday (he has been away for a few days) and I am going to see if he can help push Mums discharge for me. I had a phone call this morning from the hospital CPN who I have made aware of Mums plight and she is sending Mums second attempt for a Continuous Care plan to the committe who will meet on Monday and by Monday afternoon I will have an answer as to whether Mum will fit the criteria for Continuous Care this time around (her continued deterioration means she now ticks a few more boxes) and if its passed (fingers and toes crossed) I am going to attempt to pull out all the stops to get Mum home as soon as possible as Mum is physically and mentally becoming extremely ill again...... and she really needs to be home surrounded by her family who love her so very much.....

I know that Mum is in the final advanced stage of dementia and everyday I see her and spend time with her is a blessing. I cannot bear the thought of losing her, yet I know full well its getting closer. I get through my days on highs and lows. Unexpected memories flood my mind and I find myself sobbing my heart out, other times laughing at past memories. Life is just an emotional rollercoaster at the moment..... I don't want you to leave me Mum, I will miss you terribly as we have always been so close, you have been my very best friend and always been their for me no matter what, I cannot imagine life without you but I have to let you go and its so hard to be brave, but brave I must be..... thank god for you my much loved Mum xxx

Help with identification needed??

2009-05-28T00:15:00.005+01:00

Please could you help me to identify this plant. I discovered it whilst walking Basil around the fields. I think that it looks like rhubarb, but a couple of friends of mine think it could be a form of wild rhubarb that may not be edible... but no one is completely positive, so thought I would ask all you lovely people . As much as I love the thought of some rhubarb crumble and custard I would not risk picking and cooking it though, an upset stomach or worse is not very appealing!!
Nevertheless it would be wonderful to be able to satisfy the curiosity of my friends and myself as to what this plant really is..... can you help???

Where do I begin.........

2009-05-23T23:49:00.008+01:00

Was so chuffed the other day when my daughter came over to look after her Nan (my Mum) for me, I had to go to hospital with my hubby as he was having his third Cardioversion procedure and Mum could not be left on her own for that amount of time. Whilst we were away, my daughter uploaded all of Basil's puppy photographs that had been left on the computer that my daughter took with her when she moved in with her partner. I have been waiting so long to have copies of these photographs and as a surprise to cheer me up whilst Hubby and I were away at the hospital she secretly uploaded them onto my computer... I have to say it has been wonderful looking back over all these treasured pictures.... and below is a couple of my favourites... Basil had only been with us for a day and we were waiting for a basket to be delivered for him and it had been held up so we improvised with a cardboard box... I think he looks so adorable....!! in my opinion definitely a cutie moment!!

Where do I begin.... so much has happened since I last blogged and yet the time has just flown by and I am ashamed that its been so long since I last compiled and published a blog entry!!

Firstly Mum continues to deteriorate and she (bless her heart) is now totally reliant on me to do mostly everything for her. Some days are good and some are bad and hard to cope with at times.

I have pushed for the results of Mum's CT scan and have had them sent to our family doctor who has talked us through them. Thankfully the scan has proven that she has no awful things going on in her brain, however regardless of the brain scan results, Mum most definitely is suffering from dementia. Our next appointment to see Mums consultant is on June 10th where I will discuss Mums continual deterioration. Mum is now incontinent and I have daily wet beds to deal with which is very distressing for Mum. Social Services advised me to have our family GP set up a incontinence referral and the community nurse has been out and spent a hour with Mum and I and it was an incredibly helpful hour and the lovely nurse Lin has given me some great advice besides setting up a supply of night and day pads for Mum to wear so hopefully the daily wet beds and mountain of bedding to be laundered will be no more! a great and much appreciated help!!! I have also been advised to purchase a Kylie sheet to put on Mums bed. The nurse is also trying to convince Mum and I that we do need some help so I can get a break. I have so much to catch up on regarding my housework and a great deal of paperwork to do... so many things are beginning to pile up that I guess I should give in... but I just cannot seem to let go and I cannot bear seeing Mum getting distressed at the thought of 'strangers' looking after her...... its so difficult......

Mum and Dad in happier times...... seems so long ago now. (image not brilliant due to it been a photograph of a photograph)

I have been rather neglecting myself of late and if I am truly honest I have been on rather an emotional roller coaster recently. Its been very hard coming to terms with Mums illness and so, so difficult to accept but slowly with the help of family and friends and many shed tears I am finally getting there!!

I have let many things go health wise and one of them as been my weight. I am extremely overweight and it has given our GP cause for concern as I suffer from blood pressure amongst other health issues... but finally I am getting to grips with my diet or should I say 'healthy eating' and thanks to a very dear lady on blogger (you know who you are you lovely lady! what would I do without you!!) I have been encouraged to get to grips with my weight issues and I am happy to report a loss of 10lbs in the last two weeks.... thank you dear sweet person your help and encouragement have been invaluable xxxx

I have also recently made some new friends within our community... It sort of came about whilst walking endlessly to and from Mums home which is four doors away from my home. I have seen the two ladies around over the years but as I tend to keep myself to myself I never really got chatting, just the odd comment about the weather and stuff...

Because of my endless trips to Mum our little passing comments became lengthier and we began longer conversations, especially regarding my Mums health. It turns out that one of the ladies we shall call her A is a full time carer for her husband who is disabled and suffers from dementia so A as given me some fantastic advice and support. I have also gotten to know a lady who I shall call L and we have become friends through recent doggie walks together. Basil and L's dog Syd are the best of friends and enjoy frolicking around the fields playing. As I have got to know L I have been helping out by taking Syd a walk with Basil when L has to work.

Syd is a lovely sweet dog and Basil runs to Syd's gate to see if he is coming to walk and play when we venture out... Syd is a cross between a Border Collie and Corgi and such a lovely dog...

Syd with his owner and my friend L.... Basil been the loving fussy boy that he is.......

Basil (dare I say it.... shhhhhhhh) is thankfully... so much better... Basil still as to have hip replacements but that is managed with painkillers. Basil stomach problems (see earlier posts) have been the biggest cause for concern of late and poor boy has been so ill. Our vet was beginning to run out of ideas and it was becoming very worrying to be honest. Our vet decided to change Basil's diet and stop the chicken and rice diet and go onto a special canine food for sensitive stomachs. Also to tweak Basil's medications and stop a couple of items and introduce a mild antibiotic to be taken twice a day (this has now been reduced to one a day)

And (holds breath) it seems to be working wonderfully well. Basil has developed a new lease of life and along with his new friendship with Syd he is a much happier and full of vim and vigour and its a real joy to see!!!
Thank goodness for this wonderful canine food that Basil adores!!!!

My not so great news is that my Son has now been made redundant... a very scary situation at the moment and he is really struggling to find work, we try to help out as much as possible but not easy as we have our own financial struggles to cope with at the moment and that is most certainly becoming a real worry..... Not helped with our park home site owner who is making life hell for a lot of residents with older park homes such as ourselves and my Mum..... My Mum is seemingly becoming his next victim as he has recently instructed a surveyor to survey Mums home, which is one of the oldest park homes on the estate and in a prime spot, over looking fields from two sides and I am quite sure the site owner would make a tidy profit by evicting my Mum and siting a super duper very expensive luxury park home there.......

Took these pictures in poor light so they are a little on the dark side. This is portion of the park home site taken across a field. It highlights just how the brand new and much larger park homes tower over the older park homes... and it does make things look rather out of place. The brand new park home in this picture is the one with the lighter roof. My friend L lives next door to this particular new home and it infringes her privacy. Three of the windows on the one side of the new home look straight into her windows and she is now going to have to put up some nets at the windows and find ways of reclaiming some privacy in her garden by putting up strategically placed trellis and planting climbing shrubs. This is why our site owner want all the older homes off the site so he can fill the park with new expensive ultra modern homes and make himself a decent profit.... and it appears that he will go to great extremes to get what he wants!!!

Thankfully our Residents Association is getting to grips with the situation and are seeking legal advice concerning the site owners unpleasant actions of late. It seems that we do have some rights and can fight back....

The Residents Association know how upset we are regarding the recent Survey on my Mums home and are been extremely supportive and helpful... its just another worry we could do without........We are now awaiting the results of the survey and the site owners demands..

We are on the list of social housing but so far nothing as come about and in many ways and this is hard to explain and maybe not very sensible but we do not want to move away from here... we have lived here for thirty years and our home and garden are our haven and much loved, OK we don't have a lot but what we do have is treasured and much appreciated. We have considered social housing due to the stress we are under via our site owner but also due to Mums health, thinking it would be better all round for us to have her live with us 24/7 but I have come to realise that she really does need to be somewhere she is familiar with and that change for a person suffering dementia creates considerably more confusion. I am happy to run up and down the road many, many times day and night (it keeps me fit and aids my healthy eating plan!! lol!!) If things do become very dire then our son has offered to move out and lodge with a friend so Mum can have his room... although that thought does not fill me with glee... yes my son is now twenty and old enough to flee the nest so to speak... but I want it to happen when he is ready and not be forced into moving away... besides I would miss him too much and all the washing that he aptly provides me with on a daily basis..!! Ohhh why is life so difficult at times.........

The garden as become our haven of late. It had been rather neglected since last year with the onset of Mums dementia and because we were in complete limbo as to whether we should go or should we stay.... we have decided that we would like to try and stay, as I mentioned earlier in this post we do love it here and the thought of moving on fills us with absolute dread! So we have begun to get to grips with the garden again and have tidied things up considerably. Because I did not plant any veggie seed this year one of my newly acquired friends is very kindly giving me some tomato and pepper plants that she has left over so I will enjoy nurturing them along and hopefully reap the benefits of some home grown tasty food! A has already very kindly given me some seed potatoes.....

My husband has also turned a corner of the garden into a lovely place for me to sit (when I get the opportunity) and relax.... He has laid bark and is repairing a bench for me that was going to be thrown away at his place of work. My little area is at the side of our plum tree, which look like producing an amazing bumper crop this year.....

Looks like a bit of plum jam making is looming!! A few plum crumbles can also be made and put in the freezer. I am looking for a second hand freezer to replace the one I have kept in my storage shed... yes we I am lucky enough to have my own shed which is very neatly lined with shelving and I kept my chest freezer in there, sadly a few ago it decided to die on us and is now destined for the local Household Waste Recycling Centre!! I lost most of the contents of my freezer which upset me enormously... I had been adding items to the freezer has and when I could so on a week when I had to pay out ground rent and various bills and money was tighter than normal I had my 'secret squirrel storage' (freezer) to dip into to help make ends meet so to speak.....

I do have my fridge freezer in the kitchen but that has a limited amount of space and I did like the luxury of the extra freezer in the shed..... so my hunt for the freezer continues......

Going back to my little corner in the garden that hubby has organised especially for me... well I have to say its the best gift to me ever..... he has made a lovely job of things and it really is a lovely place to sit and let all the tensions ooze away....... Its not quite finished yet.. few things to be tweaked here and there. The green netting is a temporary screen to give us some privacy from a brand new park home that is directly opposite us and its quite imposing to be honest. So we have planted some conifers to give us a screen but because they are not very established yet we have used some greenhouse shading net and attached it to a wooden frame. and put it just in front of the conifers until they have thickened up a bit more. It still looks quite see through so we have found another large piece of the net and will double it up and attach it to the frame on top of the other net and that should have the desired effect... I hope!

Another corner of our garden that we have tidied up.... we were going to have a vegetable garden here but with being Mums full time carer and my Hubby job that often exceeds normal working hours time is very limited and so we have for now decided to abandon the idea and to make the area look tidy we have laid some turf, which as you can see Basil is having a great time rolling on!!

Bootsie and Bold are still enjoying life and are having fun trying out the step ladders that hubby has repaired. We have been using a lot of pallets recently for this and that around the garden and its proven to be extremely useful, the step ladders are brilliant now they have been repaired... its our way to be frugal and also enjoy the benefits of recycling!! lol!!

Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful;
they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.
- Luther Burban

Happy Easter To You All!!

2009-04-13T08:30:00.003+01:00

Just to let you know that I have not forgotten you all and I am still around!!

I am so sorry I am not blogging much of late but so much is going in my life at present that when I do get some spare time I am either catching up on other chores desperately waiting in the wings or just simply so tired I need to sleep.

I apologise for not commenting much on your wonderful blogs of late... but I want you to know that I do continue to follow your blogs now and again and I hope... in the not too distant future I will be able to resume normal service!! Wishing you all a VERY HAPPY EASTER!!

With Love to you all..... Jane xxx

Far to many downs.......

2009-01-29T23:32:00.056Z

(Edit:- The date Thursday 29th January was when I actually began compiling this post. I have actually published it on Monday 16th February. Apologies for any confusion this may cause)

Where has the time gone.... so long since I have last blogged! I do apologise for not blogging as much as I would like but life is rather hectic at the moment. You have all been so kind to me and I have so appreciated all your lovely comments. Although I haven't blogged myself I have however been reading all your wonderful blogs and tried to leave comments as much as possible... slap on wrist though because I have not always managed to comment consistently or get back to you..... as on my school reports .. 'Jane must try harder'.... and I will I promise!!!!!!

Your blogs have been the highlight of many a day lately and its been something to look forward to, especially on the very low days and I thank you all so very much for that!!

At the moment life for me and my family consists of far too many downs. Firstly my darling Mum is causing us a great deal of concern.

( My Darling Mum all wrapped up for a walk in the snowy cold weather we have recently enjoyed!!)

My Mums health is continuing to deteriorate and I am finding that emotionally and physically draining. It breaks my heart to find her so lost and muddled. Mum is also doing some rather odd things such taking all her clothes of at different times, persistent ailments such as burning skin and hurting eyes. I have taken her to our doctor who has examined her and can find nothing wrong with her skin, Mum became quite annoyed with the doctor (the doctor was brilliant with her) and disagreed with the doctors diagnosis and said no one believed her skin problems. The doctor gave Mum drops for her eyes though as Mums eyes were very sore and that is helping a great deal!! However Mum still insists her skin is burning and so I am using some Neal's Yard facial water, which I chill in the fridge to spray over the parts of skin which Mum tells me are burning and she feels better once I have done that. Mum does not sleep well and often feels out of sorts, the doctor has told me that Mum is like this because she is struggling with her muddled thoughts.

In the afternoon I always take Basil for a walk and Mum has always accompanied me. Mum loves Basil and really enjoys the walks. Mum is still insisting on walking me regardless of poor weather conditions. So as long as she is happy to come with me then I have no intentions of stopping her, although at times I am convinced she is not really enjoying herself? As the dementia takes a grip of her mind our walks are hard to bear at times. Mum no longer holds a conversation, just little snippets here and there and often repeated statements about her burning skin. Gone is my Mum who I chatted with freely and discussed the good times and sought helpful ideas or solutions through the bad. Its all gone now.. I am slowly day by day losing my very best friend, my very much loved Mum......

My Mother

My mother was a gentle woman, so kind and full of care

My rock and best friend she was always there

My childhood days were happy and carefree

My dearest Mum always found time to play with me

As I grew older she gently nurtured me along

To grow happy, healthy and strong

Through the dark times and the good

My darling Mum always understood

Now my darling Mum is slipping away

She knows not what to do or say

I care for her and do my best

This awful disease is a painful test

I have to watch her slowly drift away

It’s hard to face yet another day

But strong I have to be

Because my Darling Mum needs me

The other day I had a very difficult day with Mum. When she popped up to our home (four doors away from me) to accompany me on the afternoon walk, I suddenly realised she had no trousers on and on further investigation realised she was completely naked under her coat. Mum was in a real muddle and I had to take her back home to get her dressed so she could go for a walk with me. Mum was not in a good state at all. Later on in the evening when I went to give her nightly medications we discovered something spilt on her bedside mat. Mum was a bit agitated by it and so I offered to clean it up, she happily agreed with my offer of help and just as I was about to clean it up she suddenly snatched the cloth out of my hand and told me to get out as she wanted to do it, I stupidly tried to retrieve the cloth so I could continue to clean the mat, but she pulled it back and started shouting at me. Eventually she calmed down a little and I finally managed to get the cloth back off her and clean the mat. This is when it is particularly hard... my sweet, gentle Mum turns into an aggressive unpleasant person. When I got back home, I just sat down and sobbed and sobbed. I do miss my Mum, I really, really do!!!

Mum went for a assessment for dementia a week or so ago and of course lots of questions were asked and Mum could answer very few as she could not remember/understand what was been asked of her. The memory test was a complete disaster and Mum could barely answer or complete any of the questions. The doctor confirmed that her memory is extremely poor and suspects its to do with the hardening of the arteries and if she had not been taking the aspirin which she has since been prescribed since her stroke it would have been a lot worse by now. Mum has to have a brain scan on February 26th. We then have another appointment in three months time with the hospital to discuss results of scan and any treatments that may be required. In the meantime I have been told to go to our family GP to organise as much help as possible for caring for her.

Once Mum has had the scan and her condition confirmed they may be able to help her (maybe) with various drugs. I have been told they can give her drugs to slow the process down, but we will have to wait and see. My immediate problem is Mum not been able to sleep, we seem to have a pattern forming and one night she will sleep and the she will have a good day, then the next night she cannot sleep and I can be up and down all night with her and the next day is an awful day and she gets quite angry and verbally aggressive which I have to admit to finding really hard to deal with its just so upsetting. I have asked our doctor if they could give her something to help her sleep but they cannot give her an aid for sleeping until after the scan and her condition confirmed which I guess is understandable (but a mighty long time to wait!!) I am convinced if she could sleep better she would cope better. At the moment I have been told to give her a milky drink and paracetamol which is not really helping to be honest!! Did consider aromatherapy oils and of course the wonderful lavender oil, but Mum has no sense of smell, she lost it quite a few years ago and I think that may actually defeat the process of the use of aromatherapy so have left it alone.

As for Mums eyes I knew she needed another eye test and most likely new glasses but my problem was taking her to an opticians who would require a responsive eye test. Since Mums stroke shortly after my Dad died Mum has had trouble with speech and getting out words. As time has gone by this has become steadily worse and now coupled with the dementia it can be very difficult at times to understand Mum. I have however managed to find an optician that will be able to perform a non responsive eye test at home and this is Lloyd's Pharmacy. The optician came out the other week and what a lovely man he was, he made the whole eye test so easy for Mum and was very, very good with her. Mum responded very well and she will be having an upgrade in glasses. The optician discovered Mum does have cataracts on both eyes, but not bad enough yet to require surgery. Also we do have glaucoma in the family and one eye is showing very slight signs due to the pressure in the back of the eye so that will need to be kept 'an eye' on.... (sorry could not resist that pun!!) Mum is to have an at home eye test every twelve months so that will be a bonus. The lovely gentleman also found an ingrowing eyelash that may have been irritating Mum so we managed to remove that. The test was VERY thorough and Mum can look forward to her new glasses in the next three to four weeks. The same optician will come out and fit them for her. I have just got to get Mum used to wearing glasses all the time now!!! Had enough trouble with her hearing aid and still do at times!! lol!!!

My son also came home with some very upsetting news the other week. He has found out that he is to be made redundant, he has until February 22nd (not long now!!) and then that's that..... He has bills to pay such as his phone, computer and of course running his car... so he is very worried and upset at the moment. He has friends that have been trying to find work for ages so this is giving him cause for concern. Its worrying for us also because we to have our financial worries and have had now for some time. Life can be quite a struggle at times and this just adds another problem to our already overburdened shoulders!

The other scenario we are having to consider is our park home. We have lived here for twenty nine happy years and have improved our home and enhanced our garden in many ways.... but.... due to financial problems over the last year or two we have not been able to do as much as we would like with our home and now our site owner who is a bit of a difficult man to deal with has now retired and handed the reigns over to his son... who is young(ish), very ambitious and the park owner from hell!!! 'The son' would like to restructure the park altogether and be rid of all the older park homes and replace them with the very expensive, exclusive new ones... we have one of the older park homes.... and my Mother who lives four park homes away from me owns one of the oldest park homes on here.... 'The son' is now working his way through the older park homes with his new friend (note the sarcasm!) Mr Surveyor who is surveying the outside of our homes and then drawing up a list of required repairs that need to be carried out. We have not yet had the pleasure of this new scheme but know full well it will be carried out during the remainder of this year. 'Mr Son' is well within his rights to ensure these surveys are performed as they are a legal requirement of the site licence. Some of the requirements have totalled up to £27,000.00 and several of the residents who have not been able to afford to do the repairs have been evicted..... the whole situation is much more complicated than I am explaining here, but I am quite sure you are getting the idea and I do not want to bore you to much. We do now have a Residents Association who are doing a grand job and putting up a great fight... but sadly 'Mr Son' has all his legal people under his wings. I imagine he pays a great sum of money to his legal companions who can guide him through all the legalities of these evil deeds ... and for those of us who are struggling to make ends meet... especially during this credit crunch we do not stand much chance of getting the better of these people!! Due to our financial situation and the fact that if we are presented with an expensive list of 'things' to do to our park home... which is almost a certainty and of course Mums home as well, we have now gone ahead after much soul searching and filled in an application form for social housing (as its called these days) and are at present awaiting the outcome of that. Also due to Mum needing more and more care it seems sensible that we apply for a home that would accommodate Mum also which would enable me to keep more of an eye on her and be able to care for her full time. I know its something Mum would appreciate. I have discussed the situation with Mum and although I do not know exactly how much she understands, I do know it would make her very happy to live with us.

Although I know its what got to be done it also makes me very, very sad as I love my home and the area where I live, the fields, the walks, the peace and the quiet, my dear neighbours and friends ... .... but it seems we have no more choices left. My daughter and son tell me its for the best and it would be a new start for us... and yes part of me agrees but the other part is unsure, scared and so very sad........

The picture above shows the view of the park homes from across one of the fields that surround us. Our home is the one with the hedge all around and the arched hedge that we have trained over our 'back' gate. We have spent years growing , nurturing and training these hedges and now our garden is so lovely and private. Its going to be very sad to have to leave it all, especially sad knowing full well once we have gone our much loved home will be pulled apart and disposed of and our garden which is full of well established shrubs and some fruit trees (a very old plum tree) and much more will just be ploughed up and replaced with tons of gravel, concrete and a luxury home...

And now for Basil who has unfortunately been very poorly once again. Stomach/gut problems have plagued him and are still ongoing...... Basil has developed Campylobacter Bacteria yet again and its knocked him for six this time. Our vet sent a sample of Basil's faeces away again for analysis and the guy who works at the Laboratories used to work at the London Veterinary School and specialised in bowels. He has been following Basil's case for sometime now and he has discussed Basil's case with our vet and come up with a 'maybe' fingers crossed possible solution which may or may not help Basil but worth giving it a try. Apparently the good natural e-coli in Basil's gut has been damaged by all the continued gut upsets and so this man has made up a special vaccine for Basil which contains 'replacement' e-coli that will replenish Basil's depleted good e-coli and thus should kill of any further Campylobacter bacteria outbreaks and hopefully Basil will no longer have to suffer these upsets. If it works it will be fantastic. Every time Basil has an upset he has to cease his painkillers for a week and then after a day or so his poorly hips become very stiff and painful. If this does not work then the vet will then take Basil off the chicken and rice diet and try him on a specialised Hills ZD diet. If that fails then its more blood tests to check the condition of Basil's bowels and then who knows???

Basil has now been using the e-coli vaccine for just under a week and I am now up in the wee small hours with him because he has started the diarrhea again... so the vaccine does now not appear to be working. I will however see how things progress but if Basil gets any worse may have to call up the vet again and see he thinks.

This is what Basil was having to take before a meal about a week ago
Basil has now completed the antibiotic course so that is one syringe less prior to a meal. We have been told to cease the Pro Kaolin so its just the Antepcin and the E-coli syringes before a meal. The e-coli vaccine will last approx two weeks.

On a much lighter note.... we did have some snow,two lots in total and it was enjoyed greatly by Basil, no stomach problem was going to stop him from enjoying all that lovely white stuff!!!

And Bold came too............

And of course Boots was not to be left out and soon caught up (think he had been hiding in the hedges?)

Then once we arrived home it was time for Boots and Bold to have another bite to eat and then find a nice warm place to have a clean up and a bit of a nap to recharge the batteries for more wintery adventures!!

This is just how much it was snowing on Friday morning February 6th ............

A few pictures of snow, wintery views and sunsets over the last week or so.....

I have compiled this post over the last week or so as and when I have had some spare time. I hope it does not come across as to muddled. Will attempt to post more freqently in future.

The woods are lovely dark n deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep
- Robert Frost

Deep Freeze!!

2009-01-05T02:36:00.005Z

Just loving this cold weather... its great to actually experience a decent winter. Last winter was so wet, seemed to spend most of my time in mud! Walking the dog in the rain and mud each day (seemed as if it was wet everyday!) was hateful... muddy wellies, muddy paws, muddy cats, muddy dog and very often muddy me!!

So this year, so far its great to be able to walk on firm frosty ground and Basil and I can even walk over the cropped fields, instead of scrambling around the edges of the fields. Our site owner owns two fields adjacent to the park home village and he rents the fields out to local farmers. We are allowed to walk our dogs around these fields and normally this is not a problem, but this year whoever ploughed these fields must have been having a really bad day because they did not leave us a reasonable pathway around the field to walk and often we have to scramble around on a muddy ploughed up field. Sometimes I can be a bit clumsy in my wellies and have ended up tripping over into the mud. So frozen fields are making walking a real pleasure at the moment.. so would personally be very glad if the deep freeze stays a whole lot longer! Its a great feeling after a long and chilly walk when you get home and are able to remove the layers consisting of coat, jumper, scarf, hat and gloves and come into the warmth of home sweet home and enjoy a steaming hot cup of tea.....

Basil is having great fun getting through the layers of ice in his outdoor water bowl. We do have a bowl of water always available for him in the house... but Basil also likes the use of a water bowl outside and always goes straight to it when we arrive home from a walk....

Basil is (shhhhhh!! seeming much better now!!) thought I would whisper because I do not want to tempt fate!! The vitamins are suiting him and he is coping very well... and full of vim and vigour... which I am soooooo glad about, hated seeing him so low......

When I went for Basil's late night walk before bed... discovered it was actually snowing... yippee!!!

Finally A BIG THANK YOU... for all the supportive, caring and heartwarming comments you have taken the time and trouble to write. You are such LOVELY people and I cannot thank you enough.... its been such a help to me as I have to admit to been a bit down in the dumps of late... but to know you are all here for me means so much and has helped to give me the strength to face what lies ahead in a positive way... thank you so, so much!! I will attempt to update my comments this week.... take care you lovely people!!

Many Thanks, Apologies, Belated Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year!!!

2008-12-31T23:37:00.014Z

Firstly MANY THANKS for all the very kind comments that I have been given over the past weeks . I cannot thank you enough for your kind and helpful words that have touched my heart!!!!

Secondly MANY APOLOGIES to you all for not getting back to you and responding to these most caring and wonderful comments. Also apologies for not blogging of late.. life has been very difficult recently and any spare time I have managed to find I have been frantically trying to get everything ready for Christmas or just plain exhausted!!

I did manage to get ready for Christmas but had to burn the candle at both ends of the day to do so and even ended up staying up all night Christmas eve..... I was so behind with wrapping presents for the family and even putting up Christmas cards and I so wanted to make Christmas... Christmas that it was the only thing I could do.. paid the price though because I was dead on my feet by Christmas night!! But it was nice to see the finished result by Christmas morning and of course watch the family's faces as they opened up their presents it made the lack of sleep worthwhile ......

A few Christmas pictures of the tree etc....

Due to hard times financially we all had to make cut backs this Christmas and my daughter and her partner were feeling the pinch quite harshly this year. My daughters partner has quite a few gorgeous ornaments in his home and I fell in love with one ornament in particular and so in view of this and lack of money my daughter and her partner decided to give me for a Christmas gift the ornament I so adored... and this it is.... a gift that means so much to me and will be treasured forever!!!

I adore owls and I so love this special gift..... Everyone gave very thoughtfully this year and I was given essential oils, organic skincare products, useful clothing for indoor and outdoor wear, some really super wellingtons that are just up my street as I love the Guns and Roses band/music
We also gave useful presents this year... clothes and items that were generally needed with the odd surprise thrown in. I also brought a lot of my gifts of Etsy this year... so many beautiful handmade items that have been greatly appreciated and have most certainly given a great deal of pleasure. I will blog about this and list the many wonderfully gorgeous creative people that I have discovered since blogging. Blogging I have to say has opened a whole new world for me and its a real privilege getting to know so many lovely people. I am overwhelmed by the warmth and support shown to me of late and I have a feeling I am going to be needing a great deal more support during the coming year, which I am sad to say I am actually not really looking forward too... to be honest I am scared of what this year will reveal as it progresses. I have began to have a feeling of dread each morning when I wake now and I almost have to force myself out of bed to face the day.

As many of you may know my darling Mum is sadly becoming more confused and muddled as the days go by. This is what has taken up a lot of my time of late and will continue to do so as time goes by. I do not begrudge my Mum a minute of my time.... but I do find it very hard to bear. My gorgeous rock is slowly diminishing and its Mum who looks to me to get her through the days. Some days she is so vulnerable like a little child and it so sad because I am slowly losing my strong, confident Mum... My Mum who has up until recently been my continued rock, she has shared so much with me. I am an only child and my relationship with my Mum has been so fantastic.. I am very lucky I know but it makes it so much harder as I slowly see her slip away into the fog. Mum has undergone many tests and physically all appears to be well, but mentally something is so very wrong. Mum suffered a stroke as I mentioned in an earlier post shortly after my Dad passed away and things have slowly since then deteriorated. It mainly began to affect Mums way of expressing herself verbally, she could not always get out what she wanted to say and at the moment its very hard indeed for her to get out anything she wants to say which is certainly not helping matters. A conversation with Mum now is almost a guessing game. I have to be her voice wherever we go. Next week I will be seeking further medical help because I need to know what is creating this confusion and muddle. I fear a dementia of some degree, but I need to know what it is what so we can plan and prepare. We are also in the process of filling in an housing application form. We live in a Park Home and have done so for the last 29 happy years. We love where we live, its a great community and we live in the middle of some lovely countryside which I also adore. We are a small Park Home estate and have some wonderful neighbours and friends here. My Mum and Dad sold their house so they could purchase a park home here for their retirement and so have many more of the residents. We sadly do not have the funds to purchase a house and so a council property would be our only option. I am afraid living in our park home has spoilt us and also the surrounding countryside so to move would be harrowing for us all but its becoming that I need to be with Mum 24 hours a day and in our present situation this is not possible. As it stands so far 2009 for us is looking very bleak.

Our gorgeous bundles of fur have helped take our minds of some of our recent problems and here's one or two pictures......

The weather has been very seaonal of late and in my opinion very beautiful and I have of course had to have my trusty camera out to record as much of it as I can... I find walking Basil and the two cats, very theraputic and even more so if I have an opportunity to use the camera... it helps to clear the mind and think things through... I need to have that solitude to survive at the moment.

Here one or two pictures.....

And so to finish... please forgive me my moans and groans... regardless of my own personal thoughts of 2009, I do wish each and everyone of you a VERY HAPPY 2009 and that all your hopes and dreams come true....

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.

Oprah Winfrey

Miss you so much Dad...

2008-12-12T02:02:00.003Z

Have been feeling a bit low over the last few days... Mum is not well she seems to be getting more and more muddled and confused with life... and today is the anniversary of my Dads death. On this day, December 12th 1991, we lost a very much loved husband and Dad... so long ago yet it seems like only yesterday when Dad was taken from us so suddenly. Dad suffered from asthma and on this particular night he suffered quite a severe asthma attack. Dad had been ill with a chest infection and he had been given steroids earlier that day... sadly during the night regardless of the steroids things took a turn for the worst. Mum called me in a panic and I called for help. It was decided that Dad only needed to see a doctor on call out and by the time the doctor arrived Dad was struggling for breath. Mum was getting very upset as was I but we tried to put a brave face on things... The Doctor called an ambulance immediately and in hindsight and something I have always felt really guilty about is the fact that I should have insisted on an ambulance in the first place! If I had the outcome could have been so different! By the time the ambulance arrived and it seemed like forever... The Doctor kept looking out of the window waiting for the ambulance and checking my Dad... but he could do nothing to help his breathing... Mum and I busied our selves by gathering items required for an hospital stay...
When the ambulance finally arrived they carried my Dad out in a sort of stretcher chair... Dad could not talk he was just concentrating on trying to get what little air he could to his lungs... but I could see the worry in his eyes, Dad hated hospitals... the last thing I said to Dad was ' you will soon be feeling better Dad, and you will be home in time for Christmas' he gave me a knowing glance... The ambulance men got Dad into the ambulance and connected him to a nebuliser.... Dad looked so relieved... and then he died......
I miss him so much (Mum misses him deeply and I don't think she has ever gotten over his loss) .... this was the poem that we read out at his funeral, such beautiful words....

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

Author Unknown.....

Love you with all my heart Dad... and think of you each and every day, but especially today!! xxxxxx

Basil is a lot better now......

2008-12-08T00:39:00.005Z

As mentioned in earlier posts, Basil was quite poorly over the last week or so with stomach problems. I have now managed to get him back on his much needed painkiller without it upsetting his stomach... thankfully!!

Our vet was becoming quite concerned that due to the long term digestive problems Basil has now developed he may well be rejecting his painkiller. After a recent upset stomach we had to take Basil off his painkiller for a week to allow Basil's stomach to settle down again. Poor Basil was in so much pain at the end of that week, and could hardly stand after lying down for any length of time. Its so hard to witness a much loved pet in pain. I was really worried when resuming the painkillers that he would become ill again. I am not really sure what the outcome would have been if he had totally rejected those painkillers.

Anyway Basil is back on the painkillers and a much happier dog. I started his new multi vitamins on Saturday and so far so good. Basil now has to have multivitamins due to his now permanent diet of chicken and rice. The chicken and rice is a meal that suits his digestive system and Basil also enjoys it a great deal (again thankfully!!) but it does lack vital nutrients and thus the need for multivitamins. Basil will have regular blood tests to check to see if the multivitamins are meeting his nutrient requirements and I guess our fantastic vet will tweak the vitamins accordingly.

So we now hope Basil will be able to remain free of stomach upsets, thus staying happily on his painkillers until he finally has his hip replacements....

We love you with all of our hearts dearest Basil......

Bold and his favourite monkey!!

2008-12-08T00:12:00.006Z

Bold has a favourite friend he likes to cuddle up too when he has one of his many 'cat naps' and I managed to capture one of his cuddling monkey moments on camera...

The monkey belongs to my son... brought for him by his sister as a bit of a joke a few years ago now... my son must like it as its always kept at the bottom of his bed, but no doubt he will never own up to this statement......

It reminds me of a recent post by the lovely CW at http://compostbins.blogspot.com/ and gorgeous Tom kitten with his favourite doll!

I wonder if other cats have a favourite toy to cuddle up too?

Green Meme 2

2008-12-07T19:14:00.006Z

1) Link to Green Meme Bloggers.

2) Link back to whoever tagged you.

3) Include meme number

4) Include these guidelines in your post

5) Tag 3 other green bloggers.

1. Do you use baking soda toothpaste or baking soda shampoo? If not, would you consider it?

Yes we use baking soda toothpaste. We have not used baking soda shampoo because I had no idea that their was a baking soda shampoo... will be investigating. Yes I would most certainly consider it and will try it out as soon as possible.

2. Do you make any home cleaning products?

I use a lot of vinegar and lemon juice and I also use essential oils where possible. I will put some essential oils in my final washing machine rinse. I also include essential oil (few drops) in a spray bottle of water and squirt it over my clothing when I need to damp it down during ironing. Also use essential oils as an air freshener. I use oils to suit my mood. Lavender and lemon are favourites for around the house.

I am considering making my own washing powder.

3. What is your top green issue at the moment?

Electricity/gas consumption. Use as little as possible for both green and economic reasons. Continue to strive to save much more!!

4. Given unlimited cash, what is on your fantasy green wishlist?

To be able to purchase an eco home. My biggest and most wonderful dream of all would be to build our home in a completely eco style in woodland. To be completely self sufficient. I would also like to own land that could contain one of those gorgeous wind turbines... I think they are so lovely and to be able to use all that energy from mother nature really would make me so happy!!

(Isn't that a beautiful sight!)

5. Have you implemented any new green act/behaviour/product this month?

Yes.. all my statements/bills are mostly sorted out online now. I have cancelled as many paper statements and bills as I possibly can . This will help the environment and also make me less guilty about using a computer. I have also decided that I not going to have outdoor Christmas lights this year, thus saving on energy and hopefully a more economical electricity bill.

Now for nominating three other blogs.... I am going to try to find blogs that have already been tagged with green meme 1. Please don't feel you have to do the Green Meme 2, its only if you want to.....

http://greentwinsmummyasimplelife.blogspot.com/

http://teawithwillow.blogspot.com/

http://swan-songs.blogspot.com/

Award

2008-12-07T00:15:00.009Z

Thank you so much !!!http://greentwinsmummyasimplelife.blogspot.com/ for this award, I am so happy to receive it!!

I need to pass it on to five other blogs. I will try to award blogs that have not yet received this lovely award, so here goes......I am going to nominate

http://moonroot.blogspot.com/

http://littlesliceoflife.wordpress.com/

http://swan-songs.blogspot.com/

http://teawithwillow.blogspot.com/

http://est1970s.blogspot.com/

Thank you for your lovely blogs .. a joy to follow!!

I have been tagged with a Green Meme 1

2008-12-02T01:53:00.007Z

Green Meme 1

I’ve been tagged - by http://compostbins.blogspot.com/

Thank you so much CW!!!!

The Guidelines:

1. Link to Green Meme Bloggers
2.Link to whoever tagged you
3.Include meme number
4.Include these guidelines in your post
5.Answer questions ( which are quite thought provoking!)
6.Tag 3 other green bloggers.

1. Name two motivations for being green

My first motivation for been green was brought
about by my love of nature and hearing about so many animals/plants etc
becoming endangered due to pollution and the way 'man' is treating the planet. No
better reason for been motivated personally to contribute to the saving of
the 'planet'

My second motivation was the birth of my
children I wanted them to have a safe and happy environment to live in and by
bringing them up with my green beliefs will hopefully go towards making our
precious planet a better place to live .

2. Name 2 eco-unfriendly items you refuse to give up

My computer.... such a useful part of my life.
I try to compensate its use by not putting on the television/radio

My tumble drier.. I live in a small home and to
have wet washing draped around in the winter would be most unpleasant, and
impractical. I do my best to put it outside and line dry it when I can and thus
reducing the length of time I have to use of the drier.

3. Are you at peace with, or do you feel guilty about no.2?

I do not feel guilty so guilty about using the
computer because I shop online instead of having to drive into town to shop, this
saves on fuel which would have to be used to go into town. I also cut down
on the use of other electrical items to make up for my computer usage.

The use of the drier does make me feel guilty
but I am as economical as I can be with the length of time I use it.

4. What are you willing to change but feel unable to/stuck with/unsure how to go about it?

I would like to be able to use solar panels and
wind combine energy but due to where I live I am unable to do go ahead with
these ideas, so I am stuck with leaving things as they are.

5. Do you know your carbon footprint for your home? If so, is it larger/smaller than your national average?

Sorry no I don't. Something I have been meaning
to do for a while now. I would hope it would be on the low side as we try to be
as careful as we can with our energy usage.

6.What’s eco-frustrating and/or eco-fantastic about where you live?

Eco-frustrating is the use of pesticides in
surrounding fields. I cannot believe the amount of times the farmers spray the
fields during the crop growing season. I love living in the countryside but
really detest the chemicals that are used on crops. The chemicals in the air are
choking after a field spray and we are very careful to keep away from a recently
sprayed field. I love living in the country but do worry about the effects these
chemicals are having humans , wildlife and the environment.

Eco-fantastic is the latest recycling scheme
our local council have provided. We have green wheelie bins for garden waste,
although most of my garden waste (apart from weeds) goes into my own composters.
We have a fortnightly wheelie bin collection for recyclable materials such as
glass, cardboard, plastic which is absolutely fantastic, and a weekly wheelie
bin collection for normal household rubbish.

7. Do you eat local/organic/vegetarian/forage/grow you own?

We eat organic food. Some of the food is local,
some is not. We are not vegetarians, we have tried a vegetarian diet
and also vegan, but its not for us, but we make sure that the meat we eat is
organic. I do forage for foods and will collect blackberries or nuts when
in season. Would like to find out more about foraging as rosehips and
elderberries have been in abundance this year. We do grow our own but are
limited for space so try to utilise most of the garden.

8. What do you personally find the most challenging in being green?

It can be time consuming and also hard work.
Also some times hard on the budget, especially organic foods and clothing.

9. Do you have a green confession?

Yes and no... I am not going to feel guilty
over it as I do my level best to be as green and organic as possible, but at
times I may have to wear non organic clothing or use on
occasions non organic foods. I do have a budget and sometimes my budget will not
always stretch to totally organic and as much as I hate it I have to concede.
The budget is top of my list during these difficult financial times!

10. Do you have the support of family and/or friends?

Yes totally! My husband is with me all the way
and my children have been brought up with my green/organic methods and they too
are happy to continue with that lifestyle. My friends are happy to go along with
my lifestyle and support me in many ways.

Thank you CW for the gift of this Green Meme, I
have really enjoyed doing it !!

And now I would like to pass it onto three other lovely bloggers (will try not to tag anyone who has already been tagged with the Green Meme before)

1) http://teawithwillow.blogspot.com/

2) http://swan-songs.blogspot.com/

3) http://somersetseasons.blogspot.com/

I've been tagged....

2008-11-27T00:47:00.010Z

I have been tagged by http://compostbins.blogspot.com/ and awarded the Tree of Happiness

Thank you so much CW!!

The rules of this award are:

1. Link to the person who gave the award to you.

2 Post the rules on your blog.

3. List six things that make you happy.

4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.

5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog

6. Let the person who awarded you, know when your entry is up.

The six things that make me happy are:-

1) Spending time with my dearly loved family, they are my world!!

2) Having the most wonderful cats and dog in our lives, and loving them all to bits....

3) Going for a walk with my dog and enjoying all of the weather elements (and nicer still if the cats decide to come with us!!)

4) All the green things in my life, organic foods, organic gardening, recycling, composting

5) Aromatherapy and my favourite essential oils (organic of course!)

6) Reading... nothing like a good book

I now have to nominate 6 more blogs. I follow so many wonderful blogs each and everyone a real pleasure to read, so its going to be hard to pick out six but to enable me to make a choice I am firstly going to try to avoid tagging someone that has already been tagged so here goes..............

http://solorndragon.blogspot.com/

http://www.life-laundry.com/

http://swan-songs.blogspot.com/

http://somersetseasons.blogspot.com/

http://raggedroses.blogspot.com/

http://moonroot.blogspot.com/

I will let you all know you have been tagged by me and if you want to, you can pass it on...but don't worry if you don't want to do it! Have fun!!

Basil update....

2008-11-19T00:10:00.006Z

Poor Basil is still poorly, unfortunately he has had yet another stomach upset. I thought he was improving on Monday and resumed his painkiller but that turned out to be a mistake, after speaking with our vet he has confirmed that Basil's stomach is still far too sensitive after the previous upset to tolerate the painkiller he has to take for his hip pain at the moment, so I have to omit giving them to Basil until Friday, this means that any exercise has to be very limited until Basil is able to resume the painkiller. Basil is so tired, I hate to see him like this......

The vet believes that Basil has most certainly developed a food intolerance due to all the upset his stomach has experienced over the past twelve months. We have decided that Basil is to remain on his diet of chicken and rice which he really enjoys and seems to suit his extremely sensitive stomach. The vet is going to find a multivitamin which will make up the nutrients lacking in the bland chicken and rice diet and in six months time Basil will have a blood test to see if he is getting enough nutrients in his diet and if necessary adjust them accordingly.

Get well soon Basil xxx

Basil is poorly.....

2008-11-16T18:20:00.010Z

Today Basil is poorly....... I have been up with Basil during the night. Poor Basil had an upset stomach (diarrhea) he is so tired out now bless him.....

Basil actually does have a lot of health problems and a complicated medical history and he is only 2 years 10 months old. Basil needs two hip replacements and the first in line will be the left side which gives him the most trouble, both ball and sockets on each hip are deformed and separated the only thing that is holding the ball and socket together are sinews and ligaments. Its a lot like hip dysplasia but in Basil's case its more of a deformity. At the present time we do not have to over exercise Basil, difficult to keep exercise to a minimum as he is a Border Collie and full of energy! Basil also has to have a daily joint supplement and painkiller. When things become really difficult with his hips he will be referred to an Animal Specialist who specialise in this kind of surgery. This surgery is going to be very costly between four and five thousand pounds per hip. We do have a pet insurance which we started when he was a puppy, and that will help someway with the cost but we will have to find extra funds as the insurance will not cover the whole cost. This type of condition is not picked up when the dog is a young pup it begins to show signs later on. I believe Basil was about a year old when he began to limp and become stiff when getting up. So we are busy saving the pennies....... And Basil is of course worth EVERY penny!!

To add to his health problems last September Basil stomach troubles began. He picked up a parasite that made him ill and he developed sickness and diarrhea. The vet said the parasite was to be found in puppy stools. Basil must have picked it whilst on a walk and the owner of the puppy had failed to pick up after their puppy had been to the loo.. a pet hate of mine!! I cannot understand why people do not pick up after their dogs, its such an easy thing to do!!

Once the parasite was treated and Basil began to get better he went down with yet another stomach upset. After a faeces test it was found that Basil had developed Campylobacter bacteria in his gut. Now to cut a very long story short. Basil has been treated for Campylobacter many times, with animal antibiotics, human antibiotics and had to have numerous faeces tests. Basil then developed Salmonella which he developed via the Campylobacter, this resulted in many more tests and of course had to be reported to Defra (think that's how you say it) Finally the Salmonella cleared up and the Campylobacter returned, more faeces tests and medications and finally after nearly twelve months of all of this it appears that finally the Campylobacter has gone (or waiting in the wings?) Due to all of this gut abuse Basil may have IBS but has yet this has not been confirmed. Basil is now intolerant to his pain killer which he has to have at all costs for his hips else he would be in agony! So at the moment Basil each day has to eat only chicken and rice with a scoop of Pro-Fibre in each meal. Before Basil eats his meals he has to have a medicine syringe of Antepsin which is the only thing that allows Basil to keep on taking his daily painkiller.Antepsin is a suspension to treat inflammation of the stomach. I have been advised by the vet to slowly wean Basil off the chicken and rice and replace it with an holistic sensitive stomach dry food which I have been doing and up until today I had Basil eating half the recommended dry food and half the chicken and rice and it was going really well. Then in the night the upset stomach began and I am now back to square one. Its not looking particularly good as it looks as if he is now rejecting the new dried food and I think another visit to our vet is required. Not sure what course of action will be taken now or what the outlook is for Basil but I suspect that IBS is now possible but we shall have to wait and see. No matter what the prognosis is I know we love Basil dearly and we will do whatever it takes ......

Basil's daily medications........

Basil on a good day..........

Where did those days go......

2008-11-16T10:10:00.009Z

The days go by so fast .... I have had so many things to post about but been the naughty blogger I am just never got around to actually posting! So here goes.......

On Friday 7th November OH went into day surgery to have his now second Cardioversion. OH had the first cardioversion five years ago, and where did those five years go! Life is going by much too fast for me....

Six years ago OH developed a cold which developed into a chest infection. Because it was a busy time at OH workplace (Christmas peak time as its fondly know) OH would not go the the doctors to get the chest infection sorted out, could not spare the time apparently!! I became so concerned that I finally demanded that he go or else. Its rare for me to lay down the law so OH took note when I did and went along to the appointment I had made...

The doctor prescribed antibiotics for the infection but whilst examining OH chest the doctor discovered an irregular heartbeat. To cut a long story short. OH's heart had become infected by the 'ignored' chest infection and the heart had become enlarged. Also the heart was beating irregularly. Thankfully the heart is now back to a normal size but OH is now on heart medication for the rest of his life and because of the irregular heartbeat which is beating far too fast he has now had two cardioversions to shock his heart back into normal rhythm. OH will be seeing his heart specialist on November 24th to see how successful the latest cardioversion is proving to be. So far so good we think.... Moral of this story 'Never ignore a chest infection'

After the Cardioversion....

OH had to be shocked twice and this is the mark the paddle marks left behind. OH had been burned which he had been warned could happen.

OH was prescribed this cream.......

For some reason it really did not help and it actually made the marks very sore .. so out came the trusty

Aloe vera.... such a wonderful plant. I keep it in my kitchen during the winter months and just outside the kitchen door in the summer months. After regularly applying the aloe vera the paddle burn was soon eased and now has completely gone!!

This aloe vera plant is a new one that I purchased earlier this year. I think it needs re- potting and a bit of TLC after I have been hacking at it.....

Aloe Vera

A species of aloe (Aloe vera) native to the
Mediterranean region.
The mucilaginous juice or gel obtained from the
leaves of this plant, used in pharmaceutical preparations for its soothing and
healing properties.

We Remember.......

2008-11-09T00:16:00.004Z

I found this beautifully written poem on the Internet, it moved me to tears. Please read it as it portrays what Poppy Day is all about, and we will remember them..........

Why Wear A Poppy

"Please wear a poppy", the lady said,

And held one forth, but I shook my head

Then I stopped and watched as she offered them there,

And her face was old and lined with care;

But beneath the scars the years had made

There remained a smile that refused to fade.

A boy came whistling down the street,

Bouncing along on carefree feet.

His smile was full of joy and fun,

"Lady" said he "may I have one?"

When she pinned it on, he turned to say:

"Why do we wear a poppy to-day?"

The lady smiled in her wistful way

And answered: "This is Remembrance Day,

`And the poppy there is a symbol for

The gallant men who died in the war. "

`And because they did, you and I are free

That's why we wear a poppy you see.

I had a boy about your size,

With golden hair and big blue eyes.

"He loved to play and jump and shout

Free as a bird, he would race about.

As the years went by, he learned and grew

And became a man - as you will too. "

`He was fine and strong, with a boyish
smile,

But he'd seemed with us such a little while

When war broke out and he went away.

I still remember his face that day.

"When he smiled at me and said good-bye.

'I'll be back soon, Mum, so please don't cry.'

But the war went on and he had to stay

And all l could do was wait and pray.

"His letters told us of the awful fight

(I can see at in my dreams at night),

With the tanks and guns and cruel barbed wire,

And the mines and the bullets, the bombs and the fire."

"That sure did sound like an awful fight,

But your son - did he come back alright?"

A tear rolled down each faded cheek;

She shook her head but didn't speak.

I slunk away in a sort of shame,

And if you were with me, you'd have done the same;

For our thanks, in giving is aft delayed,

Though our freedom was bought - and thousands paid!

And so, when we see a poppy worn,

Let us reflect on the burden borne

By those who gave very all

When asked to answer their country's call

That we at home in peace might live.

Then wear a poppy! - and give!

A man called George Totten wrote
this beautiful poem

Autumn weather and the rest.....

2008-11-02T19:20:00.018Z

Love the sound of the wind and find it exhilarating when the winds are on the rough side.

Managed to obtain footage (very amateur footage) of the unexpected snow earlier in the week which was listed in an earlier post. I also attempted to film the melting of the snow but sadly for whatever reason the filming did not turn out, its a shame because the sound of the snow melting off the trees was really good. I do however have some photographs of the snows slow disappearance........

Going...........

Going................. Gone..................

Whilst taking photographs I had an unexpected visit from 'Little Mo' ... 'Little Mo' who is fondly known as 'Mo, Mo' is my dear friend and neighbours cat (well one of them) Mo and I have a special relationship, because I have looked after her on many occasions whilst my friends have been on holidays or visits to family. My friends also have a gorgeous Siamese cat that they took in a couple of years ago. Zak has he is called was badly treated by his previous owner. Poor thing was found locked up in a cellar with quite a few other cats, they were fed although not well and did not see the light of day for months on end. You can imagine the stench and mess of that cellar. Zak has been very difficult to settle down and has required immense kindness and care to heal his physical and emotional injuries. Zak is very skittish and never hangs around long enough for a photograph. Zak is slowly getting to trust 'humans' again and will let us stroke him now and again. Why on earth do some people have to be so dam cruel!!!

Finally this weekend popped into our local charity shop and I purchased these two items.

The pot on the left is going to be my new sugar bowl. I had broken my last sugar bowl which had a lid and have been looking for one to replace it, with no luck. I came across this pot and although it may seem tacky to some and more like a pot for use on a dressing table it actually suits my requirements very well and I don't mind it looking a bit odd, I am quirky in many ways and don't always need things to match. The other container will be useful for storing my wooden mixing spoons etc. All that usefulness for a couple of quid!!

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T02:51:00.006Z

The ghosts of
all things past parade,

Emerging from the mist and shade

That hid them from our gaze,

And, full of song and ringing mirth,

In one glad moment of rebirth,

And again they walk the ways of earth

As in the ancient days.

The beacon light shines on the hill,

The will-o'-wisps the forests fill

With flashes filched from noon;

And witches on their broomsticks spry

Speed here and yonder in the sky,

And lift their strident voices high

Unto the Hunter's Moon.

The air resounds with tuneful notes

From myriads of straining throats,

All hailing Folly Queen;

So join the swelling choral throng,

Forget your sorrow and your wrong,

In one glad hour of joyous song

To honor Hallowe'en!

-John Kendrick Bangs

Its snowing!!!

2008-10-28T22:06:00.015Z

What a mixed bag the weather has been today... Firstly frosty start with sunshine, then rain and finally snow.

My OH calls me from work this afternoon and said go and look out of the window, on looking out of window all I can see is rain! OH said 'well its thick snow here' After a few more exchanges about the weather conditions we end telephone conversion and go about our business. About half and hour later the phone rings again and its my Mum...'its snowing' and so it was... so without further ado Mum and I wrap up and take Basil for his afternoon walk so we can enjoy the snowy conditions ... Mum is now 77 and still enjoying the snow although I have to keep an eye on her in case she should slip over.

Here are my efforts at attempting to record the first snow of winter......

Got home eventually, soaking wet and cold so had a cup of this.....

Had a nice warm by this.....

Sadly we don't have a Wood burning or Solid fuel fire... those were the days, nothing like curling up by a log fire. We actually have Calor Gas fuel which is delivered by tanker and they fill the 'bomb' thingy in the garden. I don't usually have the fire has high as this, it was just to give Mum and I an initial warm up.... once we had actually thawed a little it was turned down to a far more conservative setting!

I have just had a peep outside, its nine minutes past midnight and OH has not long got in after his shift at work.... and its absolutely freezing outside. Now I will be worrying about son travelling home at about 5.30am in the morning after his night shift.... When do Mums ever stop worrying???

I have been tagged again....

2008-10-24T01:45:00.003+01:00

I have been tagged again.. this time by http://domesticepisodes.blogspot.com/

the rules..
1. Link to the person or persons who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up

Six more random things about me......

I am petrified of wasps
I adore using herbs for cooking, teas and medicinal purposes
I used to go bell ringing
I don't like heights
I adore chocolate
I am on a constant diet (and the chocolate doesn't help!!) but failing badly.... need to lose at least three stone so need some inspirational dieting tips.... and h--e--l--p!!

Now this time I am going to break the tagging rules. I am not going to tag anyone because I think most of us are all tagged out.... but if you want to voluntarily tag yourself then you are most welcome......

I have been tagged....

2008-10-22T09:38:00.004+01:00

I have been tagged by Somerset Seasons and Dorset Days...... http://somersetseasons.blogspot.com/

the rules..

1. Link to the person or persons who tagged you.

2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Okay now where do I begin.... Mmmmmmmmmmm

I am frightened of spiders... I cannot bear to be near one. If one is in the bedroom I will not go to bed until its been removed.
I cannot sew, knit or crochet and yet long to do all of these things... Every time I make an attempt at either one of these things they end up as a complete disaster!!
I am passionate about organic gardening and composting. I love to watch the activity of an established composter and will stand transfixed watching all the individual insects go about their business. (try to ignore the spiders!! eek!!)
I used to have a wormery but sadly it was not a success. But I do like worms as they are so good for the garden. If I am digging a patch of soil I will pick a worm up and move it to a safe area so I do not harm it with the garden implement I am using at the time.......
I adore aromatherapy and although I am not qualified (would love to be) enjoy dabbling. I have endless books on the subject.
I am a bookaholic and have bookcases jam packed with books and piles of other books waiting for another bookcase to be put up by OH.

Gosh now I have gotten going with this I realise I have so many other things that I could mention. I really struggled to begin with.

Now who to tag (scratches head and ponders!!)

The compostbin. http://compostbins.blogspot.com/
swan songs. http://swan-songs.blogspot.com/
The Sleeping Dragon. http://solorndragon.blogspot.com/
moonroot http://moonroot.blogspot.com/
The Cottage Smallholder. http://www.cottagesmallholder.com/
The Domestic Episodes of a Rodeo Princess. http://domesticepisodes.blogspot.com/

I have tagged you all as part of the rules, feel free to take part only if you want to..... xoxo

When you can't sleep!!

2008-10-18T02:52:00.012+01:00

What do you do when you cannot sleep.... in my case its a cup of tea, burn some soothing lavender oil and do a posting on blogger!!

I always try to take my camera with me wherever I go and yesterday was no exception....

First thing to catch my eye was the patterns of the clouds, they looked so pretty in the bright blue sky.. yes it was another lovely day!!

Trundling along a bit further discovered the sheep are in a neighbouring field once more! I love sheep and I especially adore the lambing season. The farmer uses this field for his sheep on a regular basis., so we are fortunate to be able to see quite a lot of them. They will be taken out of this field if the weather becomes very bad during winter or when the lambing season begins. Thankfully after lambing season the sheep and their lambs are usually returned to this field and I will have the opportunity to observe the lambs and their very sweet antics... that will be some great camera fodder!! so watch this space.....

As usual Basil is waiting patiently for me to finish my photo taking session so we can continue on our way!

So carried on blundering around the edge of the ploughed field. Blundering is sadly the key word here because Mr Farmer has utilised every possible inch of field this year. Usually Nice Mr Farmer leaves enough terrafirma to walk around the edge of field but not this year.. Mr Farmers plough has been in overdrive and its impossible to walk around field without blundering over ploughed dirt. Not too bad whilst its so dry but when the weather sets in and the soil is wet and muddy it will be a no go area. So will have to look for new walks.

Further along discovered a small white feather and another and finally another... now I was always told that to find a white feather an angel is looking down on you, but some say its a sign of good things (that would be nice!!) and other simply say we have a moulting bird flying around... I prefer the angel version myself!!

That concluded our morning walk and then the late afternoon walk began with a unexpected hot air balloon slowly passing by.....

Then nipped into another neighbouring field and Basil decided to go to the loo in middle of said field and I been a conscientious dog owner followed behind Basil with my pooper scooper bag. And this is when I made my discovery of a lone mushroom in the middle of the ploughed field!

I tried to take a photograph with a wider angle so you could see how lonely this mushroom looked but sadly my camera was not up to it as it was becoming too dark and even with the flash it did not show it up enough.

On the way home the night sky looked like this.....

And finally on my late night walk in the moonlight I took this picture.....

Not the best picture I have seen of the moon but the best my camera can manage.... The moon lit my way around the dark field and I did not have to use my torch once.

Anyway time for me to try again to get some much needed sleep. Its 4.08am so its goodnight and good-morning!!

Garden adornments....

2008-10-17T10:14:00.011+01:00

Just a few of my items that I have strategically placed around my garden...

They all mean a lot to me and some of them have been purchased by me and some given by family or friends with love......

Meet Gary:-

Such a nice friendly gnome and he has the job of looking after a tiny patch of my garden. The girls in the shop where I brought him from because he looked like he needed a home... had nicknamed him Gary... so Gary it is then!!!

Then we have Quackers.....

My daughters partner gave me this.. I fell in love with it when I was having a look around his/their garden and when they next visited ... he came in with Quackers for me!!

Then we have my lovely sun and moon clock...

My alternative mode of transport (well that's what everyone else calls it!!) For me, well its my much loved broom that holds special memories of things past!

Mr Chuck... a Christmas present from daughter and partner

Memories of my childhood... just love watching this on a windy day! The picture also includes Mr Chuck and few of my other friendly garden gnomes... more pressies from my Daughter.... I am a very lucky Mum!

And finally my weather vane a gift from the OH....

So many more garden adornments to share with you but will save those for another day!!

Garden snippets

2008-10-14T10:30:00.008+01:00

Madly trying to sort out and complete garden projects... (hope the rain stays away!!)

Yesterday Basil decided to help me out in the garden.........!!!!!

This is the view from my back garden gate, it looked lovely yesterday with the sun shinning across the fields.

Found this lurking at the back of the greenhouse.... have no idea where it has come from, but it is gorgeous. I think it may be some sort of a geranium?

Noticed two berries on my holly bush. My late Father gave it to me many years ago and it began to mature and berry then we had to move it and I thought I had lost it because all the leaves began to fall off it. I was so upset but decided to nurture it a bit and slowly the leaves began to return and up and till now I have had no more berries. Yesterday I found two so I think its happy again. I know I am!!

Finally Basil has decided to give me a hand.. think he might be in the process of burying a stone!! He's certainly trying to tell me something as I take his photograph.........

Parts of my life......

2008-10-12T10:24:00.011+01:00

We all have 'things' we have as part of our everyday life apart from family,friends, pets etc. Here are just a few of mine.....

A charity shop find, its an old and battered wind up Westclox but it keeps reasonable time and I just love its tick tock, I find the sound so soothing.
My Willow wand that my daughter brought for me a little while ago. I was going through a difficult patch in my life and my daughter thought this may help to remove the bad things and encourage better things...

My endless piles of books...... I just love my books. I have piles awaiting my OH to put up a bookcase so they can be tidied and filed , cannot wait!!

My aromatherapy essential oils. I am not a qualified aromatherapist so only dabble personally, but if I could become qualified it would be a dream come true for me. It is a bit too late in my life to do this now, so will just have to carry on dabbling and dreaming!!

My composters... I love composting, organic gardening, recycling etc.... My composters are now more or less full to the brim, one of which is ready for my a new herb bed I am planting. Then I can use that during the winter for household scraps. I have two more composters around the other side of my garden and If I could I would fit in more !!

My love of herbs, thus the new herb bed as mentioned above. I am in the process of a Herbal Medicine course to have a better understanding of herbs. I have always been attracted to herbs and essential oils and grow lots of herbs in the garden. I use a lot in cooking and teas etc. I grow herbs for the butterflies and bees etc and I have a comfrey bed for using in composting, but I want to have a better knowledge of their uses. Because I cannot get out much I am doing this online course which is very interesting.

My treasured greenhouse... which now need winterising as I call it! Cleaned out and insulated. I must get that done asap, running really behind this year!!

My garden shed (OH has his own shed) I would be loathe to show you inside at the moment. I do have shelving fitted and it was all tidy and organised. I even have flooring down and my spare freezer in their. But when my daughter moved out she did not take everything and asked me to store them in my shed. Sadly they are still their so I can hardly get in or out and what is on the shelves I cannot get to!! I nag about it weekly but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Sigh!!! at least I can get to the freezer!!

Well that is just a few things that are part of my life.... I realised as I did this post I have so much more, but thought enough was enough for today!!

Beautiful sunset

2008-10-11T09:59:00.009+01:00

Yesterday evening whilst walking Basil Iwas blessed with a most beautiful sunset and got 'trusty camera' out and snapped away...

I just could not stop snapping and filming. I thought it was a breathtaking scene. I am so glad I have this saved on my evergrowing picture/video file!!

After a day of cloud and wind and rain Sometimes the setting sun breaks out again, And touching all the darksome woods with light, Smiles on the fields until they laugh and sing, Then
like a ruby from the horizon's ring, Drops down into the night.
Author: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Its a Doggie Thing

2008-10-11T01:20:00.011+01:00

Whilst Basil was out on his walk with me this morning I was playing with him and his much loved green ball. The ball was a Christmas present from my daughter to Basil. Basil has quite a few toys but he has favourites and this green ball is one of his beloved favourites and comes with us on every walk.

I threw the ball for Basil and in the process of catching the ball, the ball bounced off Basil's nose and hit a clump of ploughed soil, it then bounced off the clump of soil into a bed of stinging nettles.

Usually Basil soon sniffs out the missing ball and we carry on our way, but not today!!

Basil just could not find the ball and feeling really sorry for him I decided to help try and find the ball. After much poking and prodding and trying to avoid the nettles with not much success, Basil then discovered what I decided was a rabbit hole and kept sniffing and hovering around it. He would not leave the hole alone so I guessed the ball must have gone into the rabbit burrow. I ended up on my hands and knees tentatively reaching into the rabbit hole but I could feel nothing down there. Basil is by now getting really upset. So I decide to call my OH on my mobile and see if he could come and help us out (OH is on a weeks holiday) I had not gone too far from home at this stage of my walk so it did not seem an unreasonable request to ask for assistance. About ten minutes later OH joins me armed with thick gloves to move nettles aside. I myself was quite badly stung at this point.

So all three of us were scrabbling around looking for 'the green ball' I dread to think what anyone would have thought of us should we have been discovered scratching around in the undergrowth!!

After quite a lot of fruitless searching around Basil then started to dig into the hole.... he just looked so funny bless his little heart I just had to get my trusty camera out and start filming..... and thus Its a Doggie Thing was born.

Basil has always liked a daily dig and he has his favourite digging spots in the garden much to my OH's annoyance. OH will fill in a hole only to find the hole dug up again the next day. Sometimes we find the odd thing buried. I myself find it quite endearing.

Poor Basil never did find the ball. After much digging and searching by OH and myself we had to admit defeat. Some little bunny may find an unexpected guest in his burrow today. So now Basil has his number two favourite toy to take on walks with us, hopefully that will not end up with the same fate.

Because this movie is a high resolution (bit technical for me!) I have had to use a progressive playback which means you will have to wait for the movie to load before you can view it. Please accept my apologies for any inconvenience this may cause you!! xxx

Frosty Surprise

2008-10-06T04:35:00.010+01:00

Should have guessed earlier on in the evening that something was afoot when I spotted this gorgeous moon ...

Then later on after I had been asleep a few hours I woke up and could not settle back to sleep again so gave in and got up and decided to make a cup of tea, whilst I waited for the kettle to come to the boil I thought I would have a look outside... I was greeted by this......

So this was quite a frosty surprise...

Guess it explains why I had been feeling so chilled all evening and was very glad of the warmth of the duvet and my hottie earlier on.....
Such extremes in the weather... started off yesterday morning wet and windy, by early evening glorious sunshine and during the night cold and freezing..... maybe we will have snow soon??

Jack Frost took his paintbrush
as he sailed across the sky
so every morning as the sun comes up
his artwork greets the eye
there’s reds and gold’s and yellows
all of a breath taking view
but no matter how hard he tries
he can never make leaves turn blue
so when you’re in bed sleeping
and outside everything seems faint
just remember at midnight
Jack Frost begins to paint
© By Carl Jessee

Washing machine blues

2008-10-05T10:50:00.005+01:00

Have you ever noticed that when your washing machine is out of commission the washing pile seems to develop a life of its own and it just grows and grows..............

Sadly the other day my most wonderful laundry aid decided to do a waltz across the kitchen floor... thankfully I managed to rescue it quite quickly... the thudding noise alerted me to the poor washing machines dilemma!!

Thankfully we do have a Coverplan for this overworked piece of machinery so wasted no time getting on the phone and dialling the number required.... And then I started to pull out my hair... 'Oh that number has changed now you need this number'.. blah.. blah.. blah... So rang that number to be greeted with the same repetitive message over and over and over and over and over again......... until I was cut off and had to start again... Then finally bingo I am actually able to speak to the very nice human being lady... who then tells me to write down two numbers.. authorisation number and engineers number (I think..... try to block these things out to be honest!!) Ring another number and after more repeated messages and the odd blast of awful music speak to a very nice young lady who finally gives me a day for my washing machine repair... Oh thank you . .. only a day and a half to wait.. not so bad.... but oh my how that washing pile grows and grows....

So this is my poorly washing machine forlorn and awaiting some much needed washing machine health care....

So a day and half later nice Mr Washing Machine health care man duly turns up and sets to work... 'Oh dear.. Oh dear... oh my this is bad news'..... 'Oh no' I exclaim eyeing up exploding washing pile.... and already planning a strategic plan of attack on wash pile in case of repair delays (will have to wait another week until said part is ordered!!) plan of attack usually means filling the bath with soap powder and soaking, washing , rinsing and wringing their and praying for dry weather!!

But regardless of deep intakes of breath and slow releases Mr Repair Man reckons he may be able to sort the problem out.. and bless his cotton socks so he did. With much heaving and pulling the collasped washing machine drum was pulled back into place via a repair job on a bracket that holds a very vital spring... once this was back in place the damaged seal which can be seen in above photograph was replaced and hey presto my washing machine was back in action!!

Thank you so much Mr Repair Man... and after a nice cup of steaming hot tea he went on his way and I was able to tackle that evergrowing washing pile....

And so you can see my much loved washing machine is now fully restored and now back in production again!!

I can remember my Mum washing by hand.. we lived in a cottage and we did not have a hot water system.. just a cold water tap in the kitchen and how she ever managed I will never know. I can remember her hands being blue with cold after rinsing with cold water in the winter. All the hot water was heated on a stove.. Monday was wash day, and in the winter wet clothes would be hanging around in the kitchen all day... then Tuesday was ironing day and Mum would put all her lovingly ironed clothes onto a clothes horse to air off and that would be opened in front of the fire and moved when we needed to sit nearer the fire... There was a day for downstairs cleaning, upstairs cleaning, kitchen and stove cleaning... On Saturdays we would go shopping and Sundays was roast dinner day and baking... all lovely and happy memories.....

Your my best friend....

2008-10-02T23:10:00.005+01:00

This is our other cat Bold. Bold was waiting in the garden for Basil and I to return from our morning walk. As you can see by my little film Bold is really pleased to see Basil... Basil gets on well with both cats. Basil's relationship with Bold is quiet and loving, whereas Bootsie and Basil play together... I will attempt to capture that on film another day, in the meantime I thought you would enjoy Basil's and Bolds special moment.....

Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms

By George Eliot

Bootsie..

2008-10-02T00:40:00.004+01:00

I was out in the garden yesterday taking a few photographs/films when my cat Bootsie decided to see what I was up to. Bootsie can be very vocal as you will see and hear in this little clip. I decided it was so sweet I would post it and share it with you.

Wet walk on the last day of September

2008-10-01T10:32:00.003+01:00

Happy October!! how quickly this year is passing us by.... and on the last day of September it rained!!
Basil and I got quite wet out on our walk yesterday.. but regardless of the rain I took my trusty camera with me (just in case!) amazingly I did manage to find a few photographs that depicted our walk in the rain....

And when we finally reach home a lovely wet Basil awaits a rub down with a soft fluffy towel!!

Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby. ~Langston Hughes

Allsorts

2008-09-28T22:19:00.003+01:00

I have been having a play with my Windows Movie maker and have composed this little video called Allsorts. It contains all sorts of photographs I have taken. The subject matter I have used is the surrounding countryside where I live, my pets and general flora and fauna. Be warned I am only an amateur at this so the content may not be that good.. but it was fun compiling it and thought you may enjoy watching it....
Also as I write this entry I am having a bit of bother getting the video to load onto this post... so not sure quite how the final result will turn out... here goes..........

If you go down to the woods today.......

2008-09-28T10:12:00.012+01:00

Well goodness me its Sunday already... where did those days go? And what have a I achieved.... seemingly nothing.. how does that song go 'busy doing nothing.. tra, la, la, la, la la... (what makes you think I cannot sing!!)

I have done the the everyday things.. but nothing extra and I always like to do something extra...

Ah well another list for another week and perhaps I might get a little more done.. their is much to do.

I have however had my daily walks with Basil and decided to walk near our local woods. I love the woods I find it such a magical place to be. A place of peace and beauty and so much to see, its like another world.
Their are two woods that I know of in the area where I live. The one wood you can walk through freely, the other wood that is over the road from me is private and is only opened one day a year to the public and that is on Good Friday. I can walk along side this woodland and peer longingly in and its so enticing. I see rabbits and deers popping in and out of the wood and the bird life is amazing. We even have buzzards nesting in there which has only occurred over the past two years. Another joy is watching the buzzards soar up in the air and glide on the thermals, so majestic.

I have taken the these photographs of the wood whilst on my walk and peering in. But I do have to admit to struggling over the barbed wire fence to enable me to stand just inside the wood... only on the very edge just to get that better picture, but not daring to go much further, as I was trespassing and although it seems so sad that I/we cannot enter this place, its all for the good in many ways because woodland and wildlife are left in peace to evolve and mature without mans interference.

Actually if my Mum was more into photography the very act of me getting over this barberd wire fence was something to behold... I got myself into quite a mess to be honest, I sort of got my leg stuck (serves me right I guess) I had gotten all of my body throught this tight gap but when it came to lifting my left leg through I began to loose my foothold as my left 'wellied' leg became too heavy to lift through the barbed wire gap if that makes any sense and my Mum had to come to my rescue and help me through whilst holding onto my camera... now if she had just managed to have taken that crucial snap this could have been a whole different story!!! (Getting back out of the wood was not pretty either.. coughs and turns a slight shade of red!!)

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come.
- Chinese proverb

As I age
in the world it will rise and spread,
and be for this place horizon
and orison, the voice of its winds.
I have made myself a dream to dream
of its rising, that has gentled my nights.
Let me desire and wish well the life
these trees may live when I
no longer rise in the mornings
to be pleased with the green of them
shining, and their shadows on the ground,
and the sound of the wind in them.

- Wendell Berry, Planting Trees

And then we were treated to a wonderful sunset on the way home, which was truly beautiful.

We have nothing to fear and a great deal to learn
from trees, that vigorous and pacific tribe which
without stint produces strengthening essences for
us, soothing balms, and in whose gracious company
we spend so many cool, silent and intimate hours.
- Marcel Proust, Pleasures and Regrets, 1896

Wind

2008-09-25T11:10:00.005+01:00

Yesterday was quite a mixed day weather wise... but on my morning walk with Basil the weather was windy and sunny. To me it was the perfect weather day.. I love the sun and I adore the wind. It was just so nice to walk along and take in the views, listen to the wind and birdsong. I could not resist an attempt at creating a little film on my camera. I have to admit I am only a amateur at this and my filming is certainly not the best, but I would like to think I have captured the moment somewhat so I can share it with you.....

And the cats came too....

2008-09-24T10:07:00.014+01:00

I set off yesterday morning for my morning walk with Basil only to find we were been followed by Bold and Bootsie. They obviously also fancied a stroll out across the fields. It made my day and it was so funny. Bold my normally camera shy cat seemed quite happy for me to take photographs of him this time, I think he was so busy keeping up he did not notice me snapping away!!

Maybe they will come again today, they certainly seemed to enjoy themselves as they jumped in and out of the hedgerows exploring!

It became quite drizzly whilst we were out walking and whilst the cats both went off indoors to lick themselves dry, Basil needed a rub down.

Doesn't he look cute!! He really loves being dried with the towel and groomed which is just as well considering he has a long haired coat which takes some looking after. Its like Velcro and anything and everything clings to it!!

The rain seemed to persist after that and I thought we were in for another wet day.....

But later on the sun started to break its way through the clouds...

And by the end of the day we enjoyed some quite pleasant weather... and I was able to take a photograph of a perfect sunset on my way home from another of Basil's walks.....

Perfect end to a perfect day!! Which nicely brings me to this poem which I like very much: -

Perfect Day

Grandmother, on a winter's day,Milked the cows and fed them hay;Slopped the hogs, harnessed the mule,And got the children off to school.
Did a washing, mopped the floors,Washed the windows and did some chores,Cooked a dish of home-dried fruit,And pressed her husband's Sunday suit.
Swept the parlour, made the beds,Baked a dozen loaves of bread,Split the firewood, lugged some in,(enough to fill the kitchen bin.)
Churned the butter, baked a cake,And then exclaimed, "For goodness sake,Those darned calves are out again!"Went and chased them into the pen.
Gathered the eggs, locked the stable,Back to the house to set the table;Cooked a supper that was delicious,Afterward washed up all the dishes.
Fed the cat, sprinkled the clothes,Mended a basket full of hose,Then opened the organ and began to play"When You Come to the End of a Perfect Day!"
- Author Unknown

PS... Thought I would make an attempt at putting up a short video of Basil out on one of his walks. I am doing all the whistling and talking (useless at whistling!!) My mother is also with me and is talking to me at the start of the video. My Mum is 76 years old bless her heart! and joins me on my afternoon walk through wind, rain or shine... nothing stops her she and she really looks forward to it each day... we usually have quite a lot of fun.

I hope I am not coming across has obsessed with Basil and the cats... They are a big part of my day but I do many other things also and I will share those with you as I progress with my blog.

Have a perfect day!!

Rain, rain go away come back another day ......

2008-09-23T10:08:00.016+01:00

Certainly had a good downpour of rain yesterday as you can see by the photographs ..... I know we should welcome the rain but one can have too much of a good thing! And after our non-existent summer the warm, sunny weather has been most welcome.

You feel so much better when the sun shines. I always feel so much more energized when the sun is out and the birds are singing, the bees are being busy little bees. I have a comfrey patch in my garden and the bees adore it. After the bees have finished with the comfrey I cut it down its good for the garden as a fertilizer and a compost activator.

The weather made no difference to Basil yesterday and you can see he his throughly enjoying his walk...

Whereas Bold my camera shy cat has found a snuggly spot and is quite happily sleeping his way through the dull and wet weather!!

Well off for another walk with Basil... and then I have quite a few chores awaiting me... changing beds, sorting through a few of my kitchen cupboards and some baking.... just love being busy!!!

This is a picture of a gap in the hedgerows that I use to get from one field to another whilst walking Basil... it always looks so magical... I call it ' natures doorway ' ..............

First day of Autumn.....

2008-09-22T09:09:00.010+01:00

"Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all."- Stanley Horowitz

This morning their is a distinct chill in the air.... and yesterday I noticed the first fall of leaves, it seemed to have happened overnight. Soon I will be able to kick my way through a pile of leaves and feel like a child again (don't think I have ever really grown up to be honest!!)

Had some really lovely walks with Basil yesterday, the sun was shinning and we had the world to ourselves (or so it seemed)

The birds were singing and their was a gentle breeze and it felt good to be alive. I noticed the fruits of autumn as I walked. The hedgerows seem to have an abundance of fruit and berries.....

Plenty of fruit and berries for wildlife... and us!! We enjoyed an apple and blackberry pie yesterday with lashings of cream... Mmmmmmmm
And of course the squirrels mustn't be left out......

Can just about see a green acorn ready to rippen for the squirrels.... nature is truly wonderful it seems think of everone!!

The sun has just broken through now and its warming up a little, our first autumn day.....

Saturday was a beautiful day!!

2008-09-21T01:10:00.009+01:00

What a gorgeous day it has been... Just loving all this sunshine. On my walk with Basil this morning I noticed that it is becoming very Autumnal as the above picture shows .......

We usually take Basil three good walks a day. I take him on the morning and midday walk and my husband does the night one. I thoroughly enjoy walking with Basil... regardless of the weather its always nice to get out... its an opportunity to clear ones head and enjoy nature.

I must introduce you to our much loved cats..... This is Bootsie

Bootsie is a 10 year old grey tabby. He has a bit of a cankerous personality and gets himself into quite a few fights. I have had endless trips to the vets with Bootsie who has been involved in scraps! Once he was well and truly beaten up by another cat and he was in such a bad way his tongue had been partly ripped out. Thankfully we have fantastic vets and they soon had Boots patched up and on the mend again.

Now to introduce you to Bold. Bold is also 10 years old and a very quiet timid cat, but extremely loving.

Have tried to find a more descriptive photograph of Bold but this is so far the best I can do... Bold is not very photogenic and if he sees the camera he does a disappearing act.. just when I think I have snapped the perfect photograph Bold takes off and it turns into a blurry mess.... but I will keep on trying!!
Bootsie was rescue a cat and Bold was a rescued feral cat... My husband managed to catch Bold and his brother Fluffy (long haired ginger hence the name) Bold and Fluffy were both kittens when we took them in. They both became tame quite quickly. Sadly we lost Fluffy about eight years ago. Fluffy was very interested in some rabbits in a local wood. To get to the wood Fluffy walked half a mile up a nearby drive and had to cross the road to get to the woods... sadly this led to his death has he was hit by a car. It was heart breaking as you would expect and Bold really missed his brother, but with a lot of love and care he eventually got over the loss of Fluffy and now leads a happy and contented life. Bootsie and Bold are not overly keen on each other but are happy to tolerate one another. They have two cat friends next door that they both hang around with and wile away the days with various cat adventures.....

Well think this will have to do for today... its now the early hours of Sunday morning 2.11am to be precise and I must get my beauty sleep!!!
Would like an early start tomorrow as hubby and I have a date with the garden!!!!
Here's hoping for another glorious sunny day.........

First attempt!!

2008-09-19T23:15:00.000+01:00

First attempt at blogging and have to admit to being somewhat nervous!

I follow quite a few blogs myself all of whom are so inspiring, I will add these on when I actually get the hang of things.

I have learned so much from blogging and have so enjoyed sharing everyday events with these wonderful people. I do hope that my blog can be interesting and maybe inspiring to others... we shall have to wait and see.

This is my first attempt at adding a picture and I do hope it works.... The picture is of our gorgeous border collie... Basil :-)